Things You Should Ask Each Other About Having Children Before Getting Married

You should know the answers to these questions before getting married. Knowing where you both stand on issues will help when they come up in the future. It always helps to be on the same page about where you both plan to go in the years ahead. These questions will help spark some discussion on the topic of children. If either of you already have children you will need to discuss how many kids you have from any previous relationships. This may be hard issue for your soon to be spouse to discuss so try to be accepting of them. You will want to learn about any visitations ahead of time so you can be there to spend time with them too. This is a great time to bring up any concerns about your future spouses current relationship with the child's other parent. The better you understand what is going on in their life and what they expect you to be in their child's life you can grow closer as a family.

Do you have any children from previous relationships?
Where are they going to live after you get married?
What is the relationship you have with the child's other parent?
What is your new spouse's role in their life?

Knowing where your future spouse stands on abortion is vitally important since you may at one time become pregnant. If you have not discussed this topic yet you may want to make sure it does not start as a debate on who is right or wrong. Right now you are only trying to gain a greater understanding of your partner. If you are not having sex yet you will want to discuss the method or methods of birth control you are willing to be responsible for. If you or your future spouse has had any sexual contact with a person you may want to ask them to undergo a few tests for STD's before the honeymoon.

Have you ever had an abortion or asked someone else too?
Are you pro choice or pro life?
How do you feel about birth control?
Have you had sex before?
Are you willing to undergo testing for STD's?

Some people are dead set against having children, others feel like their life would not be complete if they did not have a child. You should try to make sure you are both on the same page on this subject since it can bring up a lot of resentment if the other person's way wins out. In the end of it all you should make sure that if one or both of you change your mind that you can have children. Now for the subject of sterilization, for women it is a very dangerous and painful surgery so experts agree that if one of you is going to get sterilized it should be the man. They can do this in a doctors office, just make sure you wait since the results of the vasectomy are not instantly affective. If you do want to have children you will want to discuss the questions of how soon, how many, and how many years between. Of course you will want to make sure that you are not to old by the time your youngest graduates from highschool so that you can keep up with him during his teen years.

Do you want to have children?
What if one of you changes your mind?
How do you feel about having your tubes tied or getting a vasectomy?
When would you like to have your first child?
How many children do you want to have?
How many years would be best between children?
How old will you be when your last child graduates from high school?

Of course there are other options out there for couples today such as adopting and sperm banks. There are a lot of different ways to have a child and you need to be prepared to look at these ways if one or both of you can not have children. You will want to share your family history's with each other since some traits and disorders can be passed on to your children. You may also want to discuss if you want to give birth to your child near your family or in your home town. While some of these issues may not come up in the near future you can skip this set of questions if it makes you choose.

How important is having children to you?
How do you feel about adopting?
Are there any reasons why you would need to under go infertility counseling?
Are there any genetic disorders you might pass to your child?
Where do you want to give birth to your child?

If you make less then 30,000 dollars you may have to stay at home with the child since child care costs about 10,000 dollars a year. It may actually be a welcome change since you might be losing money if you pay for childcare. Of course you can find places that will watch your child if you have to return to work there are three options when it comes to outside care that you can choose. There are daycare centers, nannies and other family members that can help you by watching over your child. There is a fourth option although it is much harder on the marriage to have a rotating work shift, so as soon as your husband or wife gets home you will be leaving for work. You may want to consider taking at least a year off of work if you are planning on breastfeeding your child. You may also want to bring up any concerns about how you are going to feed the child.

Who will take care of your child?
Will one of you want to stay at home?
How do you feel about placing your child in Daycare?
How do you feel about hiring a Nanny?
How do you feel about having a family member take care of your child during the day?
How do you feel about working while your spouse has off from work?
Are you going to breastfeed? For how long?
Are you planning on limiting the child's diet in any way?

Now is the time to bring up any views you have on discipline, yelling, spanking time outs, and other punishments. You should be open to the way your future spouse wants to parent since it should be a shared responsibility you will want to discuss this as soon as you can. Questions about your past involvement with children may also come up be open and honest about your feelings so that you can both get a clear picture of what kind of parents you want to be. You may want to also ask your future spouse if they were ever abused since parents who abuse their children are more likely to come from homes where they were abused.

How are you going to discipline you child?
Are you going to yell?
Are you going to spank?
Are you going to use time outs?
Are you going to take things away?
Are you going to lecture them?
Are you going to share the disciplining with your spouse?
How were you disciplined as a child?
Were you ever abused?