Things Your Boyfriend Probably Won't Tell You

Hopefully, you have been blessed with wonderful parents who have given you all of the love you deserve and you have a great concept of what the word love means. Real love means putting someone else's well being above your own wants. If someone does not put your needs above their own wants, they do not love you. If you have not received that kind of love as a child, the concept may be hard for you to grasp. But whether you have received what should have been yours or not, let me reassure you. You should have received it and you are worth it. Each of us should make the choice to love ourselves enough to refuse to de-value our true selves for someone else's gratification.

When we become teen-agers, we naturally become interested in finding that kind of love from someone who can be a life partner. Dating is a great way to find out if the person you are interested in is the one who can give you the kind of love you deserve. When you are trying to find that someone who can give you the love you deserve, you should know that there are several things most boyfriends will not tell you.

The most common statement left unsaid is, "If I really loved you and wanted the best for you, I wouldn't be asking you to have sex with me." It is not because your boyfriend is a bad person. He is just caught up in the feelings that his raging hormones cause and has not learned a skill that most adults haven't mastered. The skill is called impulse control and is beneficial in all areas of life.

The second thing your boyfriend may not say to you is, "My understanding of the meaning of the word love is different from your understanding of the word." Again, it is not because he is a bad person. He probably has never had anyone ask him what the word means to him. When he says he loves you, it is your cue to ask him what love means to him.

Another statement your boyfriend probably will not make is, "I'm not going to wear a condom because I'm really ready to make a baby and quit school and go to work full-time and spend all of my time away from work at home with you and the baby." His raging hormones have dominated his brain and he has not allowed himself to see that far down the line.

The statement, " You're not the first girl I have said the 'I love you' phrase to so she would have sex with me" is not one that your boyfriend will tell you. If he told you that, you would begin to question whether or not he really wanted what was best for you and you probably would decide against having sex with him.

The list could probably go on, but I will close with the next statement your boyfriend will not say, which is, "I want to have sex with you, but when I am ready to get married, I really prefer a girl who hasn't slept around." Even if you marry someone you have sex with, you may always doubt that he would have valued you enough to stick around if you had said "no" to sex. You may find that you are not quite ready to give yourself to someone who does not share your concept of the word "love". I guarantee you that if the boyfriend really loves you for your spirit and true self, he will stay with you without having sex and will choose to ask you to share his life.

This essay is not anti-male. I have been happily married for 41 years. Please, choose to talk about the issues that will affect the rest of your life. You are the one who has to live with the choices you make and you are the only one who can decide to value yourself enough to say "no" to anything that will not be in your best interest.

You are worth it. To accept anything less is settling for second best in life