Things I Can't Say Out Loud

Wake up in a sweat until I realize
That I wasn't asleep at all
Muscles ache like I've been running marathons
Though I haven't moved in days
The clock ticks slowly
Minutes start to feel like hours
New scars begin to cover
Where old ones had started to fade
These walls are suffocating every breath
And my head spins as if it's all a blur
So out of touch with reality
But definitely not living in a fantasy
Half the time I'm not sure where I am
Though there are some good days
Mostly they all just seem bad
I feel like someone, somewhere is laughing at me
My odd torment is their greatest pleasure
I look in the mirror, regretting it instantly
This is not a face I want to see right now
I'm struggling wildly for some kind of safety
The tides have got to turn at some point
But every week part of me disappears
I'm wondering how much longer I can be
Is this really my life now?