Things to Consider when Parenting Step-Children

Remarriage can cause ongoing complications when children are involved. This can often be seen in families where both partners have children and the children continue living with their parent. Suzie Hayman describes some of the possible consequences in her book, Stepfamilies, Surviving and Thriving in a New Family, (Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2005).

Stepfamilies Often Have Space Problems

When two people marry and bring children with them into the marriage, they are effectively increasing the size of the family. This can place constraints on space and children who have previously had a room of their own may have to share. This can be even more awkward if they are required to share with a stepbrother or stepsister.

It is important that a child has a space where he can have a measure of privacy and where he can store toys and things that are important to him. Consider the following measures to help children adapt to sharing their space:

• Divide the room with a curtain or drywall
• Give the child a cupboard or a set of drawers with a key
• Point out the positives such as companionship
• Consider adding onto the family home

Stepfamilies Can Bring Changes in the Child's Position in the Family

When two sets of children are blended, their position in the family may change. The youngest may now be in the middle or the eldest may be several years younger than stepbrothers or stepsisters. Sometimes a child may find himself with a sibling of the same age. Along with these changes comes an altered perception of who they are. Questions such as these may arise:

• "What privileges do I have if any?"
• "Do I have to answer to an older step-sibling?"
• "How do I fit into this new family?"

Setting Responsibilities for Children in Stepfamilies

All children should have responsibilities and chores around the home and when a new family is formed, this is an area that needs discussion. It is usually best for the parents to discuss the issues and then include the children in a conversation about what they are expected to do. It may be best to create new standards that are different to the previous way of doing things. This will mean that the children feel they are starting on an even footing.

It would be helpful to reassess this area every month or two until everyone is comfortable with the new systems and all the wrinkles have been ironed out.

Remarriage can be a wonderful opportunity for a new life but may require extra work when children are involved. If the parents are aware of possible problems such as a space shortage, a change in the child's position in the family and setting new responsibilities, the family will find it easier to form a new unit that bonds together well.