Things that Need to Go Away

There are things that outlive their usefulness. Like the countertop sandwich maker, electric can opener that never really worked right in the first place and the Pasta Express. Then there are the fads and verbage that appear overnight, take the world by storm and grate your last nerve in a matter of days.

If I had my way, these things would be banished, never to see the light of day again.

"nom nom nom" it was cute the first 50 times someone posted it to Twitter when they were filling everyone in on their lunch plans. Now, it's just a waste of keystrokes.

"oh my goth" Unless you work at Hot Topic, live with a vampire or have a lisp there is no reason to ever utter this phrase again.

Straight Leg Jeans. What is the point to them outside of making you look anorexic or identical to a scarecrow that was magically brought to life.

"oh hai" We are not in third grade, we do not need to spell things phonetically.

"text me your digits" What? You can't open your phone and type in my name and number? Digits? Yeah, let's go back to the Miami Vice era of communication.

Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials. That's pretty self explanatory.

"Are you on Facebook?" I cancelled my Facebook account for just that reason. Two years ago MySpace was the "in" way to have people stalk you, now not so much .. and that brings us to ...

FourSquare. Wonder why your house got robbed? Maybe it had something to do with you always updating your location with this app. While you are racking up visits to Home Depot and Starbucks trying to be "the mayor", some slick high-tech thief is watching your updates. Later on tonight, he'll be watching movies on your Blu Ray and plasma television.

The Tramp Stamp: For those not in the know, that is a tattoo inked on the lower back of a female. They were cool for about, oh, seven minutes. Now, not so much.

Cell Phone Wars: Until someone offers me unlimited everything for one price with no hidden fees, taxes, overage charges, roaming fees or anything else tacked on to the monthly bill I will boycott all companies that engage in deceitful and deceptive mobile phone advertising. If you say it's "unlimited everything for $50.00 a month" and the bill arrives and it's $72.91 and your customer service team can't explain it, chances are it's time to rethink your marketing strategy.

"The Man Hug" and "The Fist Bump". Go the whole nine yards or go home. The next time I see two grown males give each other a "half hug" and try to act macho I am going to publicly embarrass them by asking if they were the guy in "Where The Girls Aren't". That should put an end to that.