Things to Be Grumpy for This Holiday Season
Don't have any? That's okay, I have enough for everyone!
Public Radio - What is up with all the stupid Christmas songs? It's not even Thanksgiving yet and you can't find a station that isn't playing that canned Christmas crap! Come on - one month of that stuff is bad enough so can you please let us get through Turkey Day before you start that garbage?
Commercials - Again, I haven't even bought the stupid turkey yet - quit reminding me that you want me to spend hundreds of dollars I DON'T have on garbage NOBODY wants! One would think you actually like having people spend hours in line to return garbage they didn't want to begin with... or are you hoping that they won't want to spend all of that time and just keep the junk?
Traffic - People, there is such a thing as public transportation, and Amazon.com will be more than happy to ship your desired purchases to you a lot of times for free so quit clogging up the roadways already!
Moochers - Do not pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. We ALL have them. That person or persons who love to crash your party and raid the dinner table with only a belch for a thank-you! Puleeze, people - at least bring some soft drinks or a six-pack!
Sappy People - You know who I mean, those wonderfully sappy well-wishers who end every conversation with "happy holidays!" My holiday would be a LOT happier without you chirruping wishes that I was happier! How about all of those folks who just sail around spreading good cheer when all you can think about is the fact that you just cashed your last unemployment check and can't figure out how to pay the darn rent? You wanna make me happy - pay my bills just once so I can relax for a time!
Cold Weather - It Sucks. Period. If it isn't raining, it's freezing - unless it's doing both! You wanna take away this gripe give me a plane ticket to Hawaii!
Holiday Decorations - I have no desire to see Santa Claus riding a Harley, and an insane urge to see if a pin can flatten that balloony monstrosity sitting in your front yard. If I want to see a deer, I want it to be in the sights of my rifle during hunting season, or dressed for a visit with my deep freeze. If it has a red nose, buy it a kleenex but get it off your front yard before it poos all over the place! Tim the Toolman Taylor is fiction, people - so please stop trying to compete with someone who does not exist!
Grocery Stores - Is it just me, or do the prices on turkeys and cranberry sauce get higher the closer to Turkey Day we get? Does there have to be fake fruitcake at the end of every single aisle? What about all of that tinsel and garbage they strew all over the place - my grocery bill is high enough without you stores wasting money trying to make everything look cheerful! And WHY do you have all of those checkout lanes when you only plan on opening one during a rush!?!? We are all stuck here in a checkout lane growing older as we wait - by the time I actually meet the cashier my food will have reached its expiration dates and I'll have to start over!
And let's not forget:
Prince Albert - After all of these years, that poor man is still stuck in a can! Someone let the dude out already!
There's more to be grumpy for, but I'll save that for next time!
Published by Annie Jean Brewer
Annie Brewer learned how to combine minimalism with frugality to live the life of her dreams. A single mother, she is a computer professional who works from home and primarily supports her family through wri... View profile
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8 Comments
Post a CommentHere's my biggest holiday grump - "GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A (#@$^ING REINDEER"!!!!!!!!!!
Good one. I have some of these same thoughts! :-)
I loved the turkey in your sights line, and can completely agree with the food passing its expiry date before you get to the checkout. A great article on summing up this time of year.
Very funny, hon. The true-funny kind.
I've been catching hell for weeks over these holidays, Don - and right now I'm in the mood to fire right back at them! Might as well - may keep me from strangling someone! Besides, I'm having fun being onery!
Feels good to get it all out, huh? Well written. Those 'holiday' commercials, and show, and specials, are one reason I'm glad to have abandoned TV. Then, when others come around who learn that I'm not the most celebratory of guys, I get so much hell from people.
Whoo Hoo! Tammy, you hit the nail on the head! Celebrate his DEATH, not his birth! Could you imagine Jesus playing a wii?
The Christmas starts just before Halloween is over. I find that exceedingly sad. They O.D. you on Christmas songs, put you on guilt trips, (yes) talk sappy crap and then try to run you over with a glare and birdy. Moochers are year 'round. I can tell you alot about the ones in drive thru. Comercials are part of the reason I don't listen to public radio much or watch TV period. The cold weather? Alas, it is one of those things I have not been able to fix. I bundle up, layer and wait impatiently for spring. Thanks for the article hun! I understand and agree. Jesus said to celebrate His death not His birth. My favorite holiday is Thankgiving!!