Things I Learned Living in Texas

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4, 998 live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.

Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. Green grass DOES burn.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck. You carry jumper cables for your own car.

Oncet and twicet are words. Coldbeer is one word. Fixin-to is one word. "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you
eat?"

People actually grow and eat okra.

When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper.

Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two.

"Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes or hours.

You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather. The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
day.

Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.

You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in them, no matter what time of the year. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable..

You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.

The first day of deer season is a state holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.

You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or soda pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.