Things a Man Never Wants to Hear from a Woman!

There are things you cannot say to a man, if you want a healthy relationship. If you say even one of these things, you'll get a sulking one at the best of times.I'm by no means a qualified expert, but I should be one, after all these years of accumulating these pearls of wisdom!

So, ladies here are some things a man never wants to hear from you:

-"I've lost the remote control." This will end up in a frantic search and lots of tears and panic from a man. His normally calm behavior will change instantly into a raving lunatic.

-"I forgot to buy your beer". If your man has organized his whole weekend around the all-important god of sports on TV, this will be seen as a deliberate act of stupidity.

-"I forgot to pay the cable". If you say this in combination with the above, you better start packing your bags.

-"The satellite dish has fallen off the roof and I can't put it back because I've just done my nails". This will be seen as a lousy excuse.You'll have to come up with something better. He will be on that ladder in a flash though.

-"Sorry there is absolutely no food in the house and all the take-aways are closed, due to stocktaking." This is a bad one, and you will see him going to the neighbors to dine over there. Food is extremely important to all men.

-"Can I use your credit card, because I've maxed out mine". You'll need to time this one very carefully. And even then will he almost risk his life to hold on to his card.

-"I think we better start packing, because I forgot to pay the mortgage/rent for 15 years". A man likes to have a roof over his head, mainly because of the TV, which, of course is connected to the electricity. And an outdoor-lifestyle doesn't go well with electricity; when it rains it is likely you'll blow up the whole forest.

-"I have no idea where your socks are". They don't want to hear this,After 20 years of putting socks in exactly the same drawer, they still manage to forget. Just buy yellow stick-on notes and let them "guide " him towards the sock drawer.

-"Can you wash the cars today". Any day is a lousy day to wash the cars, according to men, so you either start washing them yourself, or ask a 20 year old (pretty)lady to do it; they will be out there in a flash. This scenario has its risks of course, they might go off in the sunset together in the freshly washed car, leaving you with the dirty one.

-""Why are you looking at that (younger) woman?". You will get a transparent answer on this one, like "I think I remember her from school, years ago". Better not ask.

-"Why are you wearing that old t-shirt, I just bought you new ones."Most men don't care what they're wearing, they just grab the first t-shirt they see. Best to throw all the old ones away, and deny their existence when he asks.

-"How many girlfriends did you have before you knew me?" Your relationship will end before it even starts with a question like that. And whatever answer you'll get you won't be happy. If he says 500 you'll think he's a ladies-man, if he says nobody you'll think he has social problems.

-"Let's try this hair-removing wax on you first before I use it". He'll be breaking Olympic records running out of the door with this one. Men don't like to suffer for beauty.

-"You're going golfing again? I thought we were going to watch this romantic movie together". Unless it's your first date, they will go golfing.

-"Does my hair look good?" Even if you return from the hairdresser with canary-yellow hair and look like a monkey, they won't notice. This question should be asked another woman, not a man.

-"You'll need to see a doctor about this complaint." While we woman are completely confident in seeking professional advise, men distrust the Medical Professionals. They discuss their medical complaints with everybody else, like male colleagues at work, but not a doctor. If you want to see your man at the doctor's, you better hire a bouncer from the local bar to get him there.

_"I've seen this lovely dress/shirt/sweater and........" You will be met by a blank look at most. Most men don't care what you wear, even if you waltz around the house in your wedding dress, or a grass skirt. Best to call a friend and discuss it with her and then just go and buy it.

I'm sure you can add a couple of other things to this list. I hereby thank my lovely (male) family for letting me do this research over the years, unscientific as it is.