Things You Should Never Say to Your Child Regarding Your Divorce

Ending any relationship is difficult and often there is a great deal of anger and hard feelings between the parties that are separating. Sadly in many cases there are also children involved and often as it is I the case of a divorce or separation the children get pulled into areas of the relationship that they should never find themselves dealing with.

Children love their parents and often when a parent has behaved poorly, the child will blame themselves for the breakup of their parents relationship. As adults the parents have a responsibility to protect their children from taking on any more pressure or blame for the divorce that their young minds already do.

In a divorce many parents choose to use the children as a bargaining chip or a weapon against the other spouse and include their children in every intimate detail of the divorce. This is not only inappropriate it is detrimental to the well being of the children as well as their relationship with both parents. The following are some serious errors that many parents make when dealing with a divorce and how it's presented to the children.

Blaming The Child

Often during a separation a parent can become frustrated either with their children or with life in general and take it out on the child by telling them that their bad behavior is the reason the other spouse left. This is usually something said to a child in the heat of a moment but it can't be taken back once said. Words like this cause children to become very frightened and can even fear if they don't behave all of the time that maybe the custodial parent will leave them as well. Do not make your child feel as if they are the reason for the divorce.

Making Your Child Your Confidant

Children do not need to know the intimate details of your marriage or your divorce. If one of the partners cheated or is dating someone new; do not discuss this with your children. Also, don't include financial woes including lack of child support or other obligations of your partner. Children have very vivid imaginations and this is very scary for many as they worry about having food and shelter if there is little money to provide these things.

Information such as this is upsetting to children and can cause issues for them with the other parent. Creating a rift between your child and former spouse is much more damaging to the child than it is to your former spouse put your child ahead of your anger and pain. Save this kind of information for your best friend or therapist who can help you work through your pain not your child who is trying to understand why Mommy and Daddy are no longer together and wondering what is going to happen to their lives.

Bad Mouthing The Other Parent

Bad mouthing another parent or accusing them of not loving the children is simply cruel to your child. No matter what the other parent did, your child loves them, you made the choice to have a child with that person and you have a responsibility to that child to do everything in your power to preserve your child's relationship with them. Children carry things that are said to them for a very long time and often never recover from the things that were carelessly stated in a moment of anger toward your former partner. Once again, the greatest damage you do here is to your child's emotional well being and many times the child never completely recovers from the words that you may not even remember saying in a day or two.

If you child asks about the divorce or asks why you and the other parent "don't love each other", respond with kindness and love. Remind your child that you will both always love them, tell them clearly that the responsibility lies on the shoulders of the adults and assure them that no matter what, you will both always be there for them. Children need reassurance when their lives have been turned upside down and as a parent you owe it to your child to make this painful event in your life and their as easy as possible for them.