Things You Never Thought You'd Say
A Humorous Look at Parenting
I remember my own mother once saying, "Put the peanut butter down, and get your finger out of your nose!" Taken out of context, her words would have made no sense. But if you could have seen what she saw, you would say it too! Here is a select grouping of fabulous quotes said by me, and other parents like me.
Get naked and meet me in the bathroom.
Sure, I'll smell your finger. (BIG MISTAKE. Never do this yourself!)
Markers are for paper, not faces.
We do NOT pee in the litter box!
The cat doesn't wear underwear.
Get your mouth off the toilet. NOW.
Come here and let me sniff your butt.
Little boys don't wear bras.
We don't wear shoes in the shower.
I am not a jungle gym.
Yes, your wiener is big this morning. Put it away.
The dog's butt is not a toy.
No, you can't eat clay for dinner.
Get your muddy feet out of the refrigerator!
Mommy doesn't need a diaper on her head.
If I come in there, someone better be bleeding!
Carrots are not weapons.
Why is there a chocolate chip in the bathtub? Oh my god, it's NOT a chocolate chip!
Don't hit your brother with that sword ever again.
Please don't write on my mirror with dog drool.
If I have to tell you one more time to take off my underwear.......
Go give Daddy your poopy pants.
If you have to pee, go outside. (This one requires some explanation. We were remodeling the bathroom, and the toilet was unhooked)
When you're a parent, a good sense of humor is your best weapon. Always remember that! Have a hilarious quote of your own? Please share it!
** To read more from this author, CLICK HERE.
Published by Jennifer Wagner - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
Ever since I read my first Judy Blume book as a little girl, I have wanted to write. Whether it's giving my opinion, making someone smile, or reviewing a product, writing makes me happy. My primary are... View profile
- Why Laughter Really is the Best Medicine. It Actually Can Improve the Quality of Y... This article talks about the health benefits of laughter and where to find the humor when life just isn't funny.
- Is Laughter the Best Medicine? Laughter is the form of showing happiness, giddiness, the appearance merriment, and the likes. But, laughter being the best medicine, is it real?
- Laughter is the Best Medicine: Humor in Crisis Situations Is laughter really the best medicine? In a crisis situation, humor can help people tolerate the greatest disasters and threats - like the September 11 tragedy or being a prisoner of war - and give them hope for survival.
-
Parenting Advice: Laughter is the Best Medicine
Children love to play and laugh though out their days at home or school. Finding the time to laugh with your child may be the best thing you can do for the relationship.
- Surviving Divorce: Laughter Can Be the Best Medicine No one said divorce would be easy. Sometimes you just have to let out a laugh and hold your head up when inside you just want to fade away.
- 82 Things that Amuse Me
- Novel. Wherever You May Be Searching. Chapter 5. the Teacher
- Helping Kids Say No to Smoking: From Humor to Resisting Peer Pressure
- Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Real Health Benefits of Laughter
- Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor
- Best Friends - Laughter is the Best Medicine
- Laughter, Not Liquor, is the Best Medicine and Woody Allen Knows It
|
|
52 Comments
Post a CommentYou need to keep a cat little jug on hand when you remodel. Then you say, "use the cat litter bottle"
Here's one... The toilet is NOT a toy.
Not chocolate chips - HAHAHA. Now I have even more reasons to look forward to motherhood. ;)
Play with the dog"s butt? That is some patient dog.
these are too cute especially we do not pee in the litter box
Thanks for the funny article.
loved it...them...though I do not wish to see some of the stuff (again! LOL). This is sure good writing, thanks!
Too funny!
These are very funny, but a carrot can be a weapon... One of the strangest British expressions is "You're as daft as a brush." Nope, no idea where it came from!
Haaaa!