Things Not to Say to Learning Disabled People (or Their Parents)
and am an adviser to a grant at Bank St. College of Education called HEDS-UP
I belong to three Yahoo groups about NLD, the most general of which is NLD in common
Finally, I am working on a book about NLD and me, to be titled : Screwed up Somehow, but not Stupid.
1. You can't be LD, you're so bright! Ummm, you can be smart and LD, average intelligence and LD, or less than average intelligence and LD. Just like you can be tall and fat, tall and thin, or tall and average weight. LD means that you have a pronounced deficit in some area of learning. My deficits are entirely outside academic work: I have Nonverbal Learning Disability or something like it. My biggest problem in grad school was finding my way to the classroom.
2. You just need to try harder. Sorry, but no. My brain does not work the way yours does. There is something the *matter* with mine. It's not a matter of will, or effort. It's a matter of trying to figure out how to cope. You wouldn't tell a blind person to try harder to see, would you?
3. Einstein / Da Vinci / Churchill was LD, and look what they did!. You know what? I'm not Einstein, Da Vinci, or Churchill. Almost no one is. That's why they're amazing. I mean, *you* aren't LD and *you* haven't done what they did, either, right?
4. It's not so bad OK, fine. There are lots of people worse off than me. I admit it. Somewhere, there's a starving quadriplegic orphan with AIDS, who is also a rape victim, and maybe she's worse off than *anyone*. And I sympathize with them. Being LD isn't as bad as some other disabilities, and certainly I don't have the worst life - it's actually pretty good. But LD sucks. Please don't minimize it.
5. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses Yes. They do. But so what? Our differences in ability, in particular our deficits, are so great as to be disabling. For example, when I was 9 I took the WISC (an IQ test). It's made up of subtests. Most people show some small differences - 110, 120, 100, 105 etc. across the subtests. I got subtest scores from 60 to 160. I can solve quadratic equations, but can't figure out how to make the bed so it looks nice, or roll up my sleeves so they stay rolled up.
6. You need to discipline your child more/better/differently You don't know. Our son, for example, over-reacts dramatically to any change in routine. *ANY* change. It freaks him out, and he *cannot* control it. It's like a phobic reaction. Long term, he is improving, and we are working on it. But short term? It isn't about discipline.
Published by Peter Flom
I am a statistician, working with a wide variety of clients, mostly researchers in psychology, education, medicine, social sciences and other fields. I also have given talks and written articles on learning... View profile
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17 Comments
Post a CommentThanks for posting this! Very insightful and witty!
Whew! Truer words were never spoken. Fortunately we're beginning to see the light and I can avoid the above mentioned mistakes with my Aspie boy and probably aspie girl (not diagnosed as of yet) I debate whether I, at 46, would benefit from a formal diagnosis.
These words need to be heard. Thanks for sharing!
Peter, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at this article! you could not be closer to the truth, or more succinct! I have two diagnosed disabled children, one of whom is autistic among other things. Another is ADHD and we've also just discovered she has dyscalculia. I can't tell you how many times we had to fight the "she's too bright & too well-behaved" assumption before we were finally able to get a diagnosis for our daughter, or how often even professionals in the field have said that we just weren't structuring our son's time or disciplining him enough. More people need to read your article - parents & professionals too!
You give me hope for my son%252C who just turned 8 and was just diagnosed with NLD. We have been told that we just need to discipline our son by people that don%2527t want to believe that NLD is real... and it is so hard hearing this%2521
You give me hope for my son%2C who just turned 8 and was just diagnosed with NLD. We have been told that we just need to discipline our son by people that don%27t want to believe that NLD is real... and it is so hard hearing this%21
This is a great article. I can see how hearing some of those comments would be frustrating!
Hi Patricia - it could be. Once you are an adult, the value of a formal diagnosis goes down a lot, it's mostly curiosity and your own psychology that matters at that point
Wow, I'm starting to think that maybe my inability to do math or make a bed or even get motivated to was in undiagnosed LD. I actually had a boss suggest I get tested for ADD once because he knew I was smart and a productive worker, but I constantly missed little things.
Thanks everyone.
Elena, feel free to share the article with your students!