Things People Over 50 Are Too Old to Wear
How do I know what things people over 50 are too old to wear? I've just recently discovered that I'm old. It all started when my daughter and I found full length mirrors on sale for $4.00. Don't bother running out to get one. They're all gone. Besides, if you're over 50, you're better off not looking in a full length mirror anyway. It's quite depressing. Particularly if you're fat like me. You see, even if I lose the weight, I'm still old. Isn't that sad? You can't lose old. Anyway, getting back on track, there are things people over 50 really are too old to wear, no matter what kind of shape they're in.
Bikinis are just an under 35 kind of thing, aren't they? No matter what kind of shape you're in, if you're over 50, you are too old to wear a bikini. OK, maybe if you've had plastic surgery and your skin is drawn up tighter than a bass drum. But only if you are not obsessed with tanning or covered in those brown splotches.
Halter tops look ridiculous on anyone over 50. For that matter, 40 is pushing it. Just ask your teenage daughter. Yes that was you that she and her friends were giggling at last weekend at the beach. What are you going to do about it? Right on. Keep wearing them out of spite. Good solution. Just don't expect her to hang out with you any time soon.
Tie dyed shirts are for aging hippie chicks. At least that's who wears them. Unfortunately, if you're over 50, wearing a tie dye shirt and not an aging hippie, people will think you are anyway. You might as well go all the way. To complete this frightening ensemble, get yourself a headband, let your hair grow gray and long. Don't comb it. Hang a peace sign around your neck. This look people over 50 are too old to wear works for men and women. It's unisex. Just like your old college.
Cute hats are anything but cute on people over 50. It's especially important to avoid birds, flowers and feathers. Glittery top hats are also out, especially if you plan to wear them with tights and a leotard. Maybe you're planning on joining the circus? If so, go for it. Otherwise, leave the hat on the rack. It looks better there.
Nothing is the worst thing people over 50 can wear. Avoid nude beaches like the plague. Keep the lights low when you get undressed at night. Your spouse will thank you. I remember being completely traumatized just over my Mom changing her shirt one day. It was scary. Little did I know what fate had in store for me after 50. Lets face it, there are some things people over 50 are too old to wear. Avoid them at all costs.
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Published by Jaipi Sixbear - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
This award winning web writer is co-owner of several writing websites. She's a featured parenting contributor on Yahoo! Shine and Yahoo! Voices. She enjoys helping fellow writers maintain a positive mindset... View profile
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15 Comments
Post a CommentOne word - spandex
Funny and true!
*****
Great article! I always like to think I could wear a bikini if I lost just 15 more lbs. and did a few more super-ab exercises, but seeing as I'm racing the 5-0 and it takes me like a year to lose that much weight if I can be bothered to try, maybe I'll just be content to wear those super-spandex one pieces that make me look a size smaller because they're like a full-strength girdle! I'll know I'm too old for those when everyone else my age starts wearing the suits with the little skirts attached to hide the cottage cheese on the upper thighs.
LOL Donald!
Sitting at the Drivers License Bureau in Florida I noted the number of over 50's wearing shorts. It was not a pretty picture.
I've never worn a bikini. but I might wait until I'm 50, and then give it a try. :P
Wow, yes I do have to agree..... :o)
I stopped wearing a bikini in my 30's!!! LOL cheers :)
I don't know, I've seen a few 50 + year olds that can pull off bikinis and the like. Just remember, you are only young once but you can stay immature indefinitely ;)