Things You Shouldn't Do at a Red Light

As I was sitting at a red light today I noticed the car behind me. I didn't know the person driving. But we apparently came from the same direction.

I'm not sure if this is someone from my building or just someone who made the light the same time I did. But she caught my eye.

It wasn't her perfectly coiffed hair or the 2008, Bamboo Pearl, Lexus RX SUV she was so comfortably seated in. Although impressive, those things were not what had me frozen in my car. What caught my eye was as this well put together woman sat behind me she began digging in her nose as if the winning lotto ticket was lodged behind her nasal cavity. Yuck!

I thought maybe she would take a tissue and wipe her hands, or even fling it out of the window; much like the car behind her had flung their cigarette onto our city streets. Nope. She sat there at that red light mining her boogers and then ate them!!!!!

People, there are so many things you shouldn't do in your car. Eating boogers at a red light is #1 on my list.

I know, I know. Most people will site their constitutional rights. Well, I hate to be the barer of bad news. But, eating boogers in your car is not listed in that document anywhere!

And before anyone gives me the third degree about "judging" that driver, let me drop this little note in your ear. If you do it in front of me I have every right to comment based on you conducting your business (as nasty as that is) in a manner which takes away my rights to choose seeing you do that dastardly deed. Not to mention the fact that this cow was damn near 50 years old!

Honestly, I wanted to get out of my car, go up to her window and offer her a tissue, some hand sanitizer and a stick of gum. WHO OVER THE AGE OF 4 EATS BOOGERS?! Apparently Lexus drivers. Hopefully it's a select few.

I realize individual likes and dislikes are as vast as this fantastic land of ours. Traditions are different and there is a thin, almost microscopic, line between right and wrong. I don't know if this can be politically correct but in an effort to not have to suppress my urge to vomit in my car at another red light as a fellow citizen dines on nasal excrement; here is a list of things you should consider NOT doing in your car (especially at the red light).

- Playing music so loudly my windows shake.

- Playing the air guitar to anybody's song.

- Singing as if you wrote that #1 hit.

- Changing your clothes.

- Digging in any orifice of your body!

- Flossing or digging in your teeth.

- Changing your contacts.

- Applying makeup - Ladies, when you do this in a car going 80 miles an hour when you arrive at work you look like you applied your makeup in a car going 80 miles and hour.

- Shaving.

- Reading the paper.

- ANYTHING that will require you to take your eyes off of the road and hands off of the wheel.

- Talking on the phone - Seriously, Wal-Mart has a headset for your phone for less than the cost of your co-pay (which you will need combined with the rest of the hospital bill due to your reckless driving while on the darn phone!)

- Text messaging.

- Eating a plate of food.

- Mooning people.

- Having sex.

- Shooting out of the window!

So, let's keep our little idiosyncrasies to the confines of our living rooms (with the windows closed). Yes, you have a right to do it. But I don't want to see it and you can't get mad if I exercise my right to, at the very least, look at you like you're crazy. And I'm totally convinced anyone over the age of 4 who eats boogers has a serious problem and should seek help!