Things You Shouldn't Say when a Cop Pulls You Over

A cop tails your car. You're nervous enough to drop your beer spilling it on your registration. You try to toss the buzzed registration onto the passenger seat, but it slips out of the window as you forget to take note of the speed limit. Ah oh, he's coming - after you - like Lohan to lip enhancement!

The lights are flashing and the siren is loud enough to pierce any car within a five car length. It's time to pull over Rover and let the big dog take over. Course, you think you're the big dog so you speed up in hopes of losing him. But your minivan is no race for the cop's Camaro. You find a place to pull over, into a fence.

What not to say? Did you really think the cop didn't figure it out at your landing pad? Did you think he couldn't smell the beer on your breath or spot the empty cans on the floor? You fix your face up in the rearview mirror since you know that cop has to be taping this. He approaches the vehicle in a fast fashion and taps on your window with his fist.

Never say, in a situation such as this, "Um, polease officer. I, I only had jaun" while rolling down your already rolled down window.

If you are not suffering a speech impediment then you are an easy find. You can't escape stuttering - it's a drunken given. Another thing to avoid saying is "But officer, I was only doing 45" in a 25 mph zone. Not looking good sport!

And when you pass over an old insurance paper that smells like cheap beer in hopes to pass it off for the registration the last thing you need to do is use it to wipe any beer droppings caused by the dropped beer and hand it to the cop.

If the cop tells you to get out of the car do not say "In a minute, hold on" to compose yourself. And definitely do not reach over to grab another beer. If you do, prepare to be tasered. It's going to shock the life out of you for at least a moment.

You may really want to tell the cop why you are drunk. Whether it be your wife finding you cheating with a hooker named Tom or that your job sucks at the Salami Salon, save that for your lawyer instead.

Once you are standing up after you have come through your taser trip - do not run. We repeat! Do not run! Not only will you stumble and smack your face into a tree or bush, you will not run faster than the cop.

When the cop starts spreading your legs for the shakedown don't ask him to do it twice. And when the handcuffs are being placed on each wrist don't tell the cop that you've watched Houdini movies. That will encourage a more tighter restraint. In addition do not start telling the cop all the illegal turns he made, stop lights he raced through, and how you'll get him fired for hitting you on the head with a baton after calling him an Obama brown noser.

If you block vehicle entry by the force of your hands and legs prepare for your face to be smothered into the window and your body to be pushed by all means neccessary into the vehicle. Do not say "I ain't going" because guess what - you're going!

Then comes the heart break. You turn around to see the metal poles that is invading your baby's privacy while strangers are gathered along it's side. But then again, your car's grill doesn't look right in the Governor's fence. Say goodbye to your impounded baby! Say hello to a prison cell.

The moral of the story is don't drink and drive.