Thirty Things McDonald's Employees Won't Tell You

1. Just because we're working at McDonald's does not mean we're stupid. In fact, McDonald's is one of the largest employers of college students in the United States. So in reality, we're pretty smart; we just need a job, and if we're in college, the easier and more flexible the better.

2. If it's eight o'clock in the morning and your cashier is counting your change slowly, SHE IS TIRED. She either (a) has been there since four, helping to open the store, (b) closed the store last night and came in early to cover for someone who couldn't make it in, or (c) is not a morning person. She will appreciate help from you, if you say it right (i.e., whispering "two forty-six"). She will NOT appreciate a screaming temper tantrum from a grown man or woman who is less of a morning lark than herself.

3. Your cashier only has control over taking your order. It's up to the kitchen staff to get the food up in a timely manner. Therefore, do NOT snap, yell, or make demands of your cashier to make things go faster. We can't.

4. A manager or assistant manager might not have much more power than a cashier. Complaining to them usually doesn't help. Also, they don't like being yelled at by a customer if the customer thinks their order isn't coming up fast enough, because they can't do anything about it, either.

5. If you have a legitimate complaint to make -your order was wrong, you were over-charged, or something else- bring it up with us, but do it like a reasonable adult. Say "Excuse me, but [I had this problem], could you help me out?" If you do that, we will bend over backwards to help you.

6. Do NOT, under any circumstances, take your order out of the restaurant, stay out for a significant amount of time, and then come back and complain that you found a hair or some other body part in your food. Ever since the Wendy's "finger in the chili" incident, restaurants are very aware of external food tampering. And don't pretend to be someone else; your cashier's short-term memory is as good as yours, and he will recognize you.

7. Also, don't order something in the drive-thru and come into the store twenty minutes later saying we didn't give you part of your order and you want it for free without showing us both the receipt and the bag with the order. It goes back to our short-term memory being as reliable as anyone else's.

8. Kids are some of our favorite customers: They're happy to be there, and a surprising number of them are sweet as pie and polite enough to shame the Queen of England, not to mention they're easy to please. It's the adults that are rude, nasty, and have the difficult orders.

9. The only discounts cashiers can give you are the senior discounts on coffee and soft drinks. All others have to have a manager's approval, including coupons. Meaning, getting a discount can take a few minutes, which means your order will be in longer. Again, there's nothing your cashier or her manager can do about it.

10. Sometimes, our kitchen staff just doesn't want to cooperate with anybody. If your order is slow, nine times out of ten, it's because our kitchen staff are being pills. And before you ask, yes, the owner is here, and he's telling them to get their acts together or lose their jobs.

11. If you met any of us on the street, you'd talk to us, probably crack a joke or two with us, and you might even ask for our number. So why can't you treat us like people when we're taking your order or cleaning up after you? Believe it or not, putting on the uniform doesn't make us emotionless, brainless cyborgs.

12. If it is 12:30 in the afternoon, there are lines out the door, and the drive-thru has a line all the way around the building and backed up into the street, DO NOT DEMAND WE GO FASTER. We're going as fast as we possibly can; we want all of these orders out worse than you do.

13. If you smile at your cashier, call her by her name, and speak politely to her, she will move the earth and stars to help you. If you're rude to her, she'll indifferently tell you to take any and all of your complaints to her boss.

14. Most employees, when they're done working at McDonald's, will never want to think about Big Macs again, let alone eat them.

15. As much as I appreciate the flattery, don't hit on me while I'm taking orders. It's distracting, and my job rides on my accuracy. Wait until everyone's orders have been served out, then bring out your best lines.

16. If you see one of the maintenance people clearing out the trash, wait until they're done to dump your tray. That will be when they've put a new bag in the trash can and pushed it back into the island.

17. Cashiers have to take orders, bring them out, prepare the coffee drinks, replenish their supplies of trays, cups, and condiments periodically, as well as make rounds in the lobby to check on customers and make sure the drink areas are fully stocked. Trust us, we don't need to clear the tables of trays; we've got plenty to do as it is, and we don't appreciate people acting like slobs just because they're not at home.

18. No, we cannot accommodate your fat-free, sodium-free, gluten-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, vegan diet, so don't ask.

19. Our cooks are used to making thousands of sandwiches per day, but they're used to making them the same way. If you added something to yours, or asked something to be taken off, there is always a chance of your sandwich not being properly made. This is nothing to panic about; just tell your cashier and he will tell the kitchen staff, who will re-make your sandwich right.

20. The combined smell of stale grease, disinfectants, and old ketchup makes us nauseous.

21. If the soda fountain isn't dispensing your drink, tell your cashier or the janitor, and they'll pass it along to the right person. In the meantime, get another drink. Do NOT throw a tantrum or demand your money back.

22. Yes, we do trash-talk our worst customers after they're gone, but after how you treated us, you deserve it.

23. If you come in during our Sunday morning after-church rush and are bearing a very un-Chrisitan attitude, don't be surprised if you find yourself on the receiving end of a cashier's admonishment to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Just because we weren't in church doesn't mean we don't know Scripture, and we know if you just left a sermon. (Hint: If you're wearing a jacket, tie, or a nice skirt or pantsuit, mind your manners.)

24. We remember our good customers and treat them accordingly. Ditto our bad ones.

25. Chew your food thoroughly; you can't count on us to know CPR. Most of our stores don't even have a first aid kit.

26. Managers usually open and close multiple stores daily, handle thousands of dollars in deposits, draw up schedules, take inventory, and are in command of at least thirty people at all times. Show them a little gratitude.

27. The coffee is served just below the boiling point. Even adding cream doesn't do much to reduce the heat. Let it cool off before you drink it, and for goodness sake, don't hold the cup between your legs! (If you ask, we will put ice in it.)

28. All those things you've heard about employees not washing their hands after they use the restroom? Depending on the store, it might be true. If the store is clean, most of the time the employees are, too.

29. Believe it or not, we don't hate you or our job. We may really like some of our customers, and we might even enjoy the job if only for the fact that it keeps our bills paid. But in case it's not clear already, we're people too, and we have bad days. Some days, we seem to have no other customers besides bad ones, and four hours of being yelled at, condescended to, and generally treated like a piece of smelly garbage doesn't tend to foster our goodwill.

30. Most of us will quit within six months. Food service is one of the most difficult industries to work in, and even Rodney Dangerfield would have been surprised at how little respect food-service workers get, despite working up to 15 hours in a day, standing all the time (which is hard on our feet, knees, and backs) for minimum wage.

If you keep these things in mind, your next visit to McDonald's will be your most pleasant yet.