This Choose Your Own Adventure Novel is Going to Win the Pulitzer

My creative writing professors used to laugh at me. But boy, if they could see me now. I just got back from my publisher's office, that's right, I have my very own publisher, and I just dropped off a little piece of art that's going to change the world as we know it. People told me to give up. They said that the world of choose your own adventure novels was too hard to break into. But after 8 days and 10 cups of coffee, I've done it. I'm the proud author of a choose your own adventure novel.

I don't know how much I'll make on this first book, but let's face it, this is just the beginning. I can go on to make millions with all of my other books. I am already bursting with ideas. And since it only takes me two weeks to write one of these little choose your own adventure beauties, I can crank out about 20 a year, and that's if I take a month of vacation!

This book is better than any Faulkner, Milton or Dante. Heck, it's even better than R.L. Stine, and he was a literary genius! It starts off in a spooky old church. It's a dark and stormy night, and you (the main character) have just gotten a flat tire on your bicycle while riding home from soccer practice. Unfortunately, you ran over a nail and your tire went flat right in front of this old church! Should you go into the old church, or should you try to flag down a passing car for help? The choice is yours!

This book will force you to choose between what is good and what is evil. For example, in the basement of the church (should you choose to go there) you will find a half-eaten muffin on a table. Will you eat a muffin that clearly belongs to someone else? Or, will you try to find the muffin owner? Be careful, you must choose wisely!

This book also depicts the tension between different classes in society. Depending on your choices, you may run into Varney, the local hobo who lives in the church basement. Will you befriend Varney, or will you tell him to get lost? What are the effects of shunning this poor vagrant? You must read the book to find out!

The book also offers a commentary on feminism in modern day society. During your adventure, you will inevitably run into the church organist, Mrs. Habersham. Old Mrs. Habersham is a crazy old gal, who's always yelling about how she was overlooked for the church janitor position because she is an old woman! And what's with always having a woman as an organ player? Don't even get her started, (unless you choose to)!

The book is going to print tomorrow, after my editor reads through my massive 50 page manuscript. I would pick up a copy of this as soon as it hits the shelves, because it won't be long before it sells out. Books like this only come around once in a lifetime! Not counting the other 20 times a year when I will release more.