This Isn't Chess, This is Dating - Make the First Move!

If you have read the title of the piece, you know everything that you need to know. Ultimately, both men and women need to have the intestinal fortitude to make the necessary moves to secure happiness. However, the subject of this article relates to men making the first move in the relationship market. As stated, life is quite different from chess, where the defensive object is to protect the king.

What is it that makes a man -- any man, attractive or unattractive, tall or short, hairy or bald -- fail to approach a woman? Few people would argue that it is the potential for rejection. Many men simply don't want to endure the perceived humiliation associated with being turned down. It is hard to dismiss that point of view, given that some women may be more harsh than necessary. I admit, I was approached in a Taco Bell once (don't you judge me) years ago, and did not react well. In my defense, the guy practically whispered his intentions. Was he too gutless or too embarrassed to let me hear? By the time I even realized what was going on, I was too annoyed by the idiocy of it to possibly consider giving him my phone number. Between you and me, I'm not sure I would give my phone number to anyone in Taco Bell, not even my own family members. Confusion was mostly to blame in that situation but women can be unnecessarily severe. Turning someone down doesn't have to become the I'm Too Sexy Song (or fill in the applicable adjective). A simple, "I'm sorry, no" should suffice. But here is where this discourse may get a little dicey -- men, how will you ever know if you don't ever ask?

The simple truth is that most women aren't going to turn a guy down flat. I may be wrong, though. In case you need reminding, this is my opinion. The trouble is that some guys aren't asking most women. They are asking the same few women that every other guy is asking because she is so unbelievably hot. I would never dissuade anyone who so chooses from chasing failure, but it stands to reason that these women have many men to choose from, and if you aren't unbelievably hot, unbelievably rich, unbelievably powerful, or unbelievably famous (for some reason or another), you are taking a shot at the moon. Still, every now and again, some beautiful women respond to a great personality and a man who really shows interest. I will venture to say that the rest of us, those that fall into the 'most women' category will almost always respond. Here is another sketchy tidbit: that same woman who turns you down and perhaps even suggests remaining friends may be your future wife.

Persistence is key. If you think I am exaggerating, you are absolutely right. I'm trying to make a point here! Yet, nothing written here is without merit. Some say, a woman wants to be wooed, a woman wants to be pursued. This may not be true for every single woman, but actions will speak louder than the words of the man who persists after a woman. I am not advocating nor am I describing stalking or anything unhealthy. I am simply describing showing interest in a woman, being a friend to a woman and letting a woman know that she is valuable in your eyes. Your ego may be left exposed, your feeling may be injured in the end, but refusing to put oneself "out there" has never resulted in any person's growth.

The social critic inside me will argue that part of the problem is our current culture. We are too unwilling as a society to exhibit stick-to-itiveness. Nothing that isn't convenient is worthy of our time. Why exert effort on something difficult when one can do something easy several times over in the same amount of time? Our society provides for what we want when we want it, so why should the relationship market be any different? Imagine that market: the butcher has beef tenderloin on sale (incidentally, I don't eat beef and am not familiar with the choice cuts), but I'm not sure if he's sold out so I won't even bother to ask. There is a lot to be said for a person who is willing to go through a little heat to reach their destination. In fact, the show of commitment is basically the only good thing I can say about the war in Iraq. Hear me well, if initiating or maintaining a relationship leads to spending billions of dollars and the loss of lives, immediately seek professional help.

In case you are interested to know, I have made the first move more than once. I have been successful, I have been gently turned down and I have also been looked at like a crazy person (don't think I forgot about you!). Putting oneself out on a limb tends to be stress-inducing. However, not doing so may keep you from the woman or the man of your dreams. I may be the woman of your dreams; are you willing to give up so easily?