This Man Dislikes the Retarded

Daniel Cameron is an evil person, and he will tell you so. His dislike for the handicapped, mentally and physically is sickening. This is my interview with Capt. Cameron as I try to get into the mind of this man of evil.

First off, why are you so evil?

I don't know why I'm so evil. I've always had a (expletive) up sense of humor. I think things are funny that a lot of other people don't think are funny like retarded kids doing anything normal people do, people getting their feelings hurt, old people shitting themselves, that kind of stuff is funny to me. Most people think that's mean spirited but I could care less. First off retarded kids ARE funny. They're like infants or monkeys, trapped inside the body of a full grown person. People want to laugh but they can't because people are watching. (Expletive) that, It's not like I made them that way.

Who made them that way? And why?

I guess god made them that way, or man did by inbreeding and living under power lines. Why did god make tards is a good question. I guess comic relief. I worked at this grocery store in high school. We had a retarded bag boy named John that worked there. I was a little afraid of him because he looked like he was about to start masturbating at any moment, but I had a lot of laughs at his expense. Watching John work is were I came up with a lot of other uses for retarded people that the public doesn't want to hear like military service.

The mentally retarded in the military? Please explain.

We could use retards in the military. If we sent a gaggle (proper term for a large group of tards) of retards over to Iraq and told them that the enemy had candy and toys, candy and toys that they stole from them. It wouldn't be long before we were celebrating victory. It's not like we're going to give them rifles or anything, just a stick and a trash can lid. We could also give them Viagra so when they catch the enemy they can have sloppy hard tard sex with the enemy for hours (or at least until Duck Tales comes on TV.) The sex is what would give us the edge in the war. Nobody wants to go out and fight after watching Radio butt rape your best friend. It would be expensive, for every retard that goes into battle we have to have a tard handler, cage and a kitten and/or puppy to calm the retard down after a battle. In case you were wondering a tard handler is a normal person who feeds the tard and keeps it under control kind of like a police dog handler.

Throughout all this, you are telling me the mentally retarded are suckers for Duck Tales?

Any cartoon but especially Duck Tales. I think it's the theme song (Duck Tales woo hoo). Any cartoon with moving, colorful pictures and a snappy theme song, these tards will watch and clap with delight. Most people would think Barney would be the Mongoloid favorite but his dominance over the children makes them jealous and scared at the same time. I don't think that's cute like most people, remember Frankenstein was a retard and look what he did to the town's folk.