This Real Life "Bionic Woman" Got Me Thinking…What's Next?

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Technology is so cool. There's this chick with a real life bionic arm. It's truly a wonder. She thinks to herself, "Hmmm, I would really like my bionic arm to pick up that spoon so I can eat my cereal," and voila! The bionic arm is real people; what year is this? 2023? 3012? Unbelievable. However, she's not quite a 'Bionic Woman'. Though, I must admit, that I shouldn't say things like this because I have no idea what that show was all about (I'm too young). But the best thing that's happened as a result of this bionic arm, other than the obvious benefits of the bionic arm itself, is that it got me thinking, you know, out of the box. I've come up with another list because thanks to this bionic arm, list articles are even easier to come by. So here it is, My Medical Advancement Wish List…

-X-Ray Vision: I believe it was Superman who said, "X-Ray vision is way bad-ass." I Couldn't have put it better myself. One thing I would do if I had X-Ray vision, other than the obvious "look at chicks naked" answer: I'd go to all the different fast food joints in my area and I'd see which one had the dirties employees working in the back.

-Safe Steroids: I'm not one of those sports purists who feel that steroids have no place in the games. If we allow our baseball players to wear military grade armor on their elbows, then we should let them take steroids. Doesn't part of you miss those 700 ft. homers? If scientists could come up with some medically safe steroids, I think they should be legal in all sports.

-Hangover Medicine (that actually works): Have you ever tried Chaser or one of those other over-hyped 'hangover cures'. They're crap. They simply don't work. Now, perhaps there's a chance that I just consume way too much booze for these pills to take effect. But wouldn't it be awesome if some kind of super hangover cure was created by one of the major pharmaceutical companies? Does anyone else feel this way, or is just me?

-More Cosmetic Surgery Options: I want to have webbed feet, webbed hands and even a web connecting my elbows to the side of my torso. Why can't this happen? I just really want to become a stronger swimmer and I don't see any other way.

And, lastly…

-Pills for Every Kind of Emotions: How sweet would it be if there was pills that would simultaneously make you feel a certain way? Say you're down in the dumps: take a happy pill. So you have to go to your girlfriend's uncle's funeral but you're worried you can't fake being sad: sadness pill. Are you tired of being a skinny dweeb: hungry pill. Whatever you want. Can we get on this please?