This Week in Depression - Family

Family can depress us in multiple ways - believe me I know. They can cause you pain and stress because of financial reasons, utter stupidity or even because you want to see them more often and you can't. In my case, it's the latter. But it does all have to do with money issues pertaining to seeing them more.

My Christmas this year was more depressing that spending it at home. Because this year I spent it away from my family. I live on the West coast and they live on the East coast which means I would have to fly out to see them. It seems like every year I grow further an further apart from my family and it is all because of our money situation. We are all having financial problems right and that's no good when you are all trying to lean on each other.

You have to try to pull together as a family to help each other out but that's hard to do when you are thousands of miles away from them. It wasn't so much the fact that I didn't spend Christmas with them, but having that familiarity and tradition with people you love is just such a warm feeling even if people don't like to admit it. Even if your family is not as desirable as you'd want them to be, you still want to be able to see them. They are the only people who will be your family by law and blood no matter what you do. Friends and lovers you can forget over time or put out of your head. But family is always in your blood.

This holiday season, I spent Thanksgiving with my friends who are all spectacular people. I absolutely loved it, but I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my family for the last four years straight. Now that people are getting older, having babies, getting sicker and even passing away on me, it's more important to get back home and see them. You want your life to be full of great memories (happy or sad) that you can say you spent with people you care about even if you scream at them all the time.

Then on Christmas, I called home and it was great to hear everyone's voice but there was so much going on with sickness and death, I felt like I needed to be there. That was the worst part of being here on Christmas. When my family was in need in comfort, I couldn't be there and that's the worst feeling. You want to be able to go to the hospital with them or take care of them at home or give them as much as you have in your bank account to make sure they can survive the next few months.

But alas, you can't go because you don't have anything in your own bank account. But that's the way things go.

On New Years' Eve I actually had a great time. I went to Disneyland to see the fireworks at midnight with some friends. It was amazing and there was so many people. It became on of the best New Years of my life. But I still thought of my parents at home. They were going to the midnight service at church like they always do and hopefully missing me. I was missing them. Then, just before midnight where I am, I called them and of course they were in bed because their midnight had happened 3 hours earlier. I had missed it.

After all the main holidays were over, it was back to the same-o same-o but I still have that feeling that I missed out on something this year. I still have that piece of sadness inside that won't go away until I see them again.

So it was a hard holiday season for me. But I do plan to go home sometime in March or April so we can have a Spring Christmas. And all of you out there, if you think spending the holidays with your family is tough, don't try one year without them. You'll only be depressed about it and wish you hadn't. Call the people you love and tell them so. It's good for the soul.

Next week in depression - boyfriends (again)