Those Dreams... They're so Real

OR

"Those who do not remember the pasta are doomed to reheat it."

Either way is a true and correct statement. No matter if the latter may be immature or not. There are very few definitive times in a person's life that they stop and recalculate the way that they're leading their own life.

After we get into the real world, there are some very big changes that happen. Mostly actually finding out that everything you learned in school has very little to do with how you interact with the reality around you and how it interacts with you.

To tell the truth, I've been stuck in a rut for the past few years. Blocking out memories (good or bad) like they never happened at all, even the things from yesterday...

... It's funny how those things seem to subliminally pop back into your brain when you least expect it, isn't it? Dreams, hallucinations, even seeing certain people's faces at certain times.

There's a lot of times that things, problems, pain, or thoughts become repressed and ooze out in other forms. It can cause stress to the individual causing their immune system to suffer, their hair to fall out, pains and aches, or different problems. It can come in the form of lashing out at people, or simply having a proverbial stick up your rear end.

I've become the one thing I never wanted to return to. My past dwelling, non motivational, childish self. Something I never dealt with from my later teen years to my mid twenties. Regression is so hard to see from the solo perspective, too. It's like you're slowly walking on a treadmill that's going ever so slightly faster then you. That is, until it speeds up to such a point that you've fallen off and hit the ground.

A lot of people always say to live "in the moment" but when you really think about it, we're all more often than not living in the future/past. We're regretting or rethinking the way we could have done things, we're wondering whether we should have the peanut butter & jelly or a toaster strudel. Either way that's NOT the present. That's not what a lot of people live in.

Take PTSD. A person relives the experiences that they've faced in the past over, and over, again. It can sometimes be so traumatic that they feel as if they can't leave the house, chained and bundled. Sometimes this can take years to even surface, and that's where my problems began.

Suddenly what seems to be "laziness" to other people or a general tendency towards not doing anything, actually comes no motivation to strive forward; no thoughts of the future. No future.

This is where depression comes into play. You're never good enough, not even for yourself, so why even try? Why bother getting showered and dressed just to go out into the world and be rejected by the many actions that may or may not come forth?

You start to feel comfortable, comfort zone. You start to engage in the fact that this is the best it's going to get. Your life has hit it's peak and now you're rolling downhill. Downhill? Again? Another analogy for falling off the wagon, tripping on the treadmill, slipping on the mountain, hitting rock bottom, taking two steps backwards, ect, ect, ect!

The ONLY person that changes this is the person that creates it. The ONLY person that can create such a reality is oneself. Who is to blame for all of our problems? NO ONE. Everyone has traumatic experiences, everyone has losses, everyone strives, survives, and gets over it.

I think that's ONE thing I am learning now, from the past, mind you. We all just have to get over it before we waste away. All the money I sink into a psychiatrist, or the prescriptions are not going to help the core of my problems. The only one that can fix that is the person themselves. Don't count on others to fix your problems. Lead, Follow, or get out of the way!

We should all live by the principle that we, at the very least, control how we personally feel. We're the only one's that drop our feeling of self-worth because of what someone has said or done to us. There really should be no reason for anyone to hurt for extended periods, we must find ways to cope, adapt, and move forward. Change can be a scary thing-- a very scary thing, but if you don't take the leap of faith every once and awhile then how are we supposed to uncover what's lying in the dark?

Life really is too short to be worrying about what others think, or especially, being afraid of death. Because it will happen. You are going to get older. You are going to become frail. Eventually, you are going to die. We all will. It's a fact of nature-- the circle of life. So while we have a moment, a glimpse, in this universe why don't we make something of it? Something for us, our lives, the only thing that we really have for ourselves.

Let's stop fearing the world and embrace the life that we have been given.