Thou Art a Witch!

We live in a world of witches. This is more of a problem in other lands than it is in the United States because we don't use archaic language here any more. But we should know more about witches anyway. Here are the facts:

There are many witches in our country. They look like ordinary people, both men and women. There are bad witches and good witches. The bad witches can cast spells; good witches cannot do this but they can remove them where they exist.

If you say to a person, "Thou art a witch!" there may be a reaction. If he or she is not a witch, the individual may be offended but nothing worse is likely to happen. However, if the person is a bad witch, they may cast a spell upon you. The spell will be such that it can only be removed by a good witch.

In my youth I was at a diner one time after I had been reading about witches. There was a young woman serving me and I thought I'd try a new line. I said, "Thou art a witch!" The plan was that if she complained, I'd say I had yearned to be placed under her spell. As it turned out, the woman was a bad witch. She became very angry and, indeed, placed me under her spell. She turned me into a coffee cup! The picture shows what I looked like at the time.

I had not expected this outcome and spent several days in this condition. But I was optimistic. Every time I'd be placed on a table and someone sat there to eat, I'd say, "Thou art a witch!" My hope was that a good witch would hear this and remove the spell. Most of the time the result was, simply, shock. After all, who had ever heard of a talking coffee cup?

After a week of this unpleasant existence, a pretty woman came to have breakfast. She was alone. I said, "Thou art a witch!" "Yes," she responded. "I am a good witch." I was overjoyed and begged, "Would you please make me human again?" She was willing but in no hurry. She wanted to know more about me. We had a pleasant chat which was interrupted only when the server came to take the woman's order.

After the food arrived and the good witch had eaten, she changed me back to a human. At that time, I found myself sitting opposite her. We continued to chat. At the end, we exchanged telephone numbers and got ready to leave. The server came back and stared at me. "I didn't see you come in," she said.

"That's right," I responded. "I said something I shouldn't have and got changed to a coffee cup!"

"What on earth did you say?" the server asked.

"Thou art a witch!" I replied

The server's countenance took on a severe appearance "That was nasty!" she growled as she turned me back to a coffee cup.