Thoughts on Judgment

I like quotations. Clearly, millions of people love quotations. There are thousands of websites dedicated to quotes; virtual fountains of wisdom and wit, spouting links for every possible category. They're funny. They're facetious. They're heartfelt.

And often, they're fitting.

As I begin, I'd like to share the following:

"It is well, when one is judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality." - Arnold Bennett

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As we near 2009, approximately 50% of us are deciding on New Year's Resolutions. Almost 100% of that group goes into the New Year with every intention of holding on to that resolution. What really happens to those goals? Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, here are the facts:

Out of all the resolutions made, here are the percentages of those kept after the following periods of time:

- past the first week: 75%

- past 2 weeks: 71%

- after one month: 64%

- after 6 months: 46%

So this year, I am making a 2009 "Not to Do" list, and I challenge you to do the same. Easy - and tempting - as it would be, this doesn't mean my list will look like this:

· I will not pay my bills. They're no fun.

· I will not put up with that which I do not want to put up with. Or who.

· I will not be subtle when passing the slow walker in front of me.

Instead, it will look like this - and even if this is the sole item on my New Year's "Not to Do" list, so be it:

· I will not judge.

If you're having trouble coming up with a similar list of your own, I suggest "Do not judge." It's a pointless act, mostly inaccurate, and it gets us nowhere.

It darkens our souls, it hurts other people, and it limits us in ways we can't fathom at the time.

To be fair, judgment is a part of human nature. And while we're being fair, to judge is necessary sometimes. Hell, it's a profession for some people. That doesn't mean we should all play Judge Judy. Employers have to judge all the time. Which candidate to hire?

Student bodies must judge light-heartedly when voting for homecoming king and queen.

Policemen must ponder.... "to ticket or give a warning?"

You wake up and think, "Which shoes? Which shirt? To call in sick or not?"

We must judge in the split second between the doorbell ringing and glancing through the peep hole to decide if we want to open the door.

Who do we marry?

Where do we work?

Who are our best friends?

Who do we choose not toassociate with for the sake of our own emotional wellbeing?

Which doctor is right for me and which is wrong for me?

It would be entirely unrealistic to expect a person to go one day of their life without passing judgment in one way or another in order to live OUR lives.

But when it comes to judging another person based on how they lives their lives, for the love of God, please don't let your heart get wind of it.

You never know a person entirely. Do you know what life circumstances they were undergoing a month ago? A year ago? 5 or 10 years ago? Do you know their fears, their goals, and do you respect their most petty idiosyncrasies that make them who they are? Do you know the hand of cards that they've been dealt? Do you know how they played it? Likewise, do you think they know what cards you are facing at the moment, or have faced? How would you feel if they judged you on something that was directly an adverse effect of something you were dealt, had no control over, and handled the best way you knew how?

While we're on the subject of not knowing people.....

· Did you know that Hitler was a fervent non-smoker and promoted aggressive anti-smoking campaigns throughout Germany? He reportedly promised a gold watch to any of his close associates who quit (and actually gave a few away).

· Our newly elected president Barack Obama smokes. Would you change your vote?

· Did you know that Hitler despised cosmetics and admonished his mistress for using make-up with animal by-products?

· Did you know that Albert Einstein married his first cousin? Knowing this now, do you chalk e=mc² up to a fairy tale?

· The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. Knowing this now, do you suddenly hold it at the same level of regard as a scribble on a restaurant napkin? (I'm going to ignore the fact that an alarming number of you would probably smoke it.)

These people had Bipolar Disorder:

· Ludwig van Beethoven

· Kurt Cobain

· Ralph Waldo Emerson

· Sir Isaac Newton

· Mark Twain

Do you now scoff at Beethoven and Cobain's works, mentally rip Emerson's poetry to shreds, deny the law of gravity and plan to prove it by jumping off the building in which you sit (I advise you don't), and do you now consider Twain's books simply tripe?

Helen Keller is an American icon for her ability to overcome her handicaps and pave the way for those born after her who were also blind, deaf, or mute. She's considered a legend. Yet she threw tantrums at the table, overturned chairs at dinner parties. Had that taken place in the era of PDAs and iPhones, can you imagine the virtual judgment that would be flying silently around that dining room electronically via instant messages at that moment?

Jesus, the Lord and Savior of many, overturned a table once. Had that happened in the day and age of Page Six, do you think the editor would have chosen to write about that incident or His lessons and teachings? All I can say is thank God it wasn't a possibility.

Do these tidbits change your opinion of these people? For better or for worse? Should they change history? Should they change how they are perceived as one, small yet significant individual on this world of billions?

* * * * *

"It is well, when one is judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality." - Arnold Bennett

Think of your social circles, your workplaces. Do you know everything about everybody you work with? It's human nature to be annoyed. That's fair. It's human nature to get frustrated with others. That, too, is fair. Judging a person behind their back and with another individual is not.

That said, do you know the life story of everyone you work with? Socialize with? Do you know their histories before you mock them? Judge? Gossip about them? Alienate them, make them feel uncomfortable, or squeeze them out of the proverbial clique?

Do you know if they deal with Bipolar Disorder?

Do you know their medication list?

Do you know if they've been sexually abused, lost a loved one, had a near death experience, are dealing with an undisclosed condition?

Do you know THEM when you instant message your neighbor about them?

Do you know THEM when you whisper under your breath to a neighboring colleague about them?

On a similar note, do they know YOU?

Do they know you well enough to know you're just bored and looking for something to pass the 9-5?

Do they know you well enough to know not to take everything you say or do to them to heart?

Do they know you're "just teasing?"

What if they don't?

Consider this, the next time you judge somebody on something utterly petty:

"What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves." Paul Ambroise Valerie

Did you know your words - spoken or electronic - meant so much? Had you known, would you still have mocked/laughed at/whispered about/alienated someone?

In the beginning, I mentioned my love of quotes. There are two more I'd like to share then I'll digress. So to sum up, I leave you with the following:

"So many Gods, so many creeds, So many paths that wind and wind, When just the art of being kind, Is all this sad world needs." Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

Aand:

"It's good, sometimes, to shut up." Marcel Marceau

Best wishes to you at the beginning of this wonderful New Year, no matter what path you take or what you decide to do.... Or, possibly just as important, decide not to do.