Thoughts of Meth

Perhaps I just cannot allow myself to realize I hear things differently;
Maybe it's from vanity, believing I'm smarter than I really am.
Perhaps I forget that my old nemesis still wants to devour my life rampantly,
Wishing to give me hell on earth, since I will not be one of the damned.

But giving myself completely over to anyone else's claims of loyalty,
And knowing for a certainty that I can trust them even after honest vow,
Is something I only gave to my mother, unknowingly, while in infancy,
And certainly something I have no experience in believing that I can do now.

So when I let go, I hold on; and when I give freely, I hold back;
There's an ingrained theory that no human on this earth will honor me, and
I'm starting to think the reason I doubt them is not from something they lack.

Trying to hold it together, while trying to be with you, while trying to just get by;
If I could only learn to see with my heart instead of the worldly influence of my eye!
Every moment fruition hits me: this is no way for us to have to live our life, but
Still that doesn't sway my decision to partake in the suffering we call "getting high."