Three Mistakes in Fixing Your Relationship

Relationships are hard and breaking up is even harder. The only thing more difficult than that is ending a relationship that neither party wants to truly end. When couples end their relationship, obviously they know something is wrong and they no longer wish to deal with that problem. That does not often change the feelings between the two people. We see it every day in divorces halted as the couple had a sudden remembrance of why they married each other.

The question becomes one of how to pull the relationship back from the ledge of no return. Even more, the couple will question how to make their relationship work and survive in love and happiness. Not every relationship is the same. The people and the circumstances are different. When a couple makes the decision to try it again, there are often key mistakes that are made that result in a bitter ending.

False Reassurance
False reassurances lead to false hopes. If you have ever wanted to get back with your ex and told them how you have changed and you are serious, you have to ask yourself if you really did change. It is actually a line spoken out of desperation. If you have ever had it used on you before, what did you think? Did you really believe your partner? Even if your partner means it with all his or her heart, chances are the situation is so bad that it will sound desperate and insincere. Platitudes and clichés spoken at the last minute will often result in drastic consequences for the relationship.

So why bother saying anything? That is exactly right. At the point that your relationship is ending, reassurances are waste of breath. Do not reassure your partner of your intentions. Actions will always speak louder than words. If you wish to use any cliché, use that one. Be strong and confident that you have changed. Show that change, do not verbalize it. Verbalizing reassurances and intentions at this point, will only increase doubt in your partner and remind them of what was wrong to begin with. Do what you need to do and your actions will be noticed.

Emotional blackmail
Using words to hold a person in place is emotional blackmail. When words such as 'I love you' are spoken, it should be a sincere expression of your feelings towards another. If the words are used to elicit a response, or in such a way as to say, "You can't leave because I love you", then you are attempting to manipulate your partners emotions.

If you are partner does deeply love you and is just hiding that fact, emotional blackmail can push them further away. Those three little words are among the most powerful in any language. Used wrongly, the opposite effect will create a rift in an already fragile relationship.

Arguing and Guilt
Trying to argue with your partner is just a reminder of why things are ending. When you try to use logic and their own words against them, they will begin to feel on the defensive. Often times it will create guilt feelings. Using guilt is also a form of emotional blackmail. Again, it is the manipulation of ones emotions and responses to stop them from following through on what you might disagree with. Negativity results in these actions. Arguing will increase as resentment grows. No one likes to feel guilty. Even if you get the response you are looking for, they will remember that they are still there only because of the guilt they felt. They did not want to hurt you, or maybe they said something and you made them feel like they did not honor their word. Whatever the case, guilt leads to resentment. There is no other path; certainly not one that results in a healthy relationship.

So how can you save your relationship without discussion and arguments? Does not sound logical, does it? The fact is, because arguing creates resentment and hostilities, it often never leads to an amicable solution. When you take the win-lose aspect out of the relationship then it can work itself out. You do not have to try to fix it. You already know what the problems are, if you are responsible for anything work on yourself.

Laying your ego aside and allowing yourself to communicate normally with your partner will recreate that companionship. Quite literally, love will heal the relationship.