Three Myths of New Fatherhood

I became a father at the ripe, old age of twenty years. I have seen all there is that a twelve-year-old son could possibly throw at me, and more. In the course of twelve years, though, it amazes me when men, (men my age, older and younger), who have recently become first time fathers, approach me with "horror stories" about their children. These men, who seem to love speaking of each and every graphic, blood curdling detail that ensued during the making of this child, choke and tear up while telling of the trials and tribulations that come with the territory of new fatherhood.

It is in hopes that all fatherhood fears will be quelled and those myths of childcare will be vanquished that I write this article. Read on and know that I am extending my hand - a hand that has been exactly where you are now - in support to you and your endeavors.

Myth #1

Baby poop will kill you.

There is no documented proof that a poopy diaper has ever injured, maimed or killed a man for breathing its fumes, by accidental finger contact or by staring at it for any amount of time. Yes, the smell may remind you of some buried, childhood trauma that you suffered years ago; and the amount of poop, along with the odd coloration of the fecal package may scare you into wondering, "Is this normal for someone so young?"

Bottom line: You are a man. The smells that exude from your own body, whether you know it or not, are much worse that what rises from the diaper of your child - just ask your wife! There is nothing more disgusting to see than to watch a man act like a big baby, himself, when changing a messy diaper. After all, do we, or do we not, get a kick out of talking about our own "Number One Number 2's" to any other adult who is willing to listen? Yeah, who's laughing now? So grow up and get your baby cleaned up!

Myth #2

"That baby hates me!"

Let's face it, "that baby", for the first couple of months of his/her life, does not even know you. The child does not remember what happens from one minute to the next. Every time you pick up this baby, he/she will wonder, "Who is that?" A baby is aware of only a few things: when it wants held; when it wants to be put down; when it wants fed and when it has a dirty diaper. Right now, you are merely the means of providing these necessities, (unless, of course, the child is breast-feeding and we, as fathers, have nothing to do with this).

Bottom line: The child knows one way of letting us know what is happening and that is by crying. We fathers need to learn, through trial and error, what is troubling our new babies. We are financially burdened, stressed out, sleep deprived providers. Yes, it sucks but that is just the way it goes, sometimes

Myth #3

(For those with baby boys)

"I swear that boy can aim that thing!"

It has happened to all of us with new baby boys. The diaper seems to feel as if it is holding back one half gallon of urine - "Surely, the boy can't pee anymore," you say. You remove the tape from the sides of the diaper and pull down the front, marveling at what genetic fortitude you have passed down to your son. Cool air hits the lad's genitals and a sudden stream of warm fluid - right on the chin - catches you, unsuspected. Sadly, for some, this phenomenon will repeat itself, as some fathers just never seem to learn.

Bottom line: There is no life lesson here. You have told this story many, many times since it has happened and it never gets old. Just enjoy telling the story because, in years to come, your son will pee on you figuratively, which is much, much worse than how he did it when he was a baby.

In this article, I have pointed out only a few of the many myths that go hand-in-hand with newfound fatherhood. From one father to another, I hope you have much success with your new child(ren).

Just remember: You are not alone and everything you are going through today is something you will laugh about tomorrow. Enjoy the journey.