Three Rules of Cool

The word "cool" has survived through many generations. Cool was there when Miles Davis recorded "The Birth Of The Cool" in the early 1950's and was still going strong when TLC's "CrazySexyCool" album was the backdrop to your "re-elect Clinton" party in 1996. "Cool" was cool when "bad" became good and when "off the hook" became "off the chain". The question is, what is truly cool? There are three distinct rules to defining cool with few exceptions. Are you cool? Probably not.

1. Cool Doesn't Know It's Cool.

The coolest people on the planet have no idea they are cool, or how cool they are. They are infinitely cooler than the hipster doofus who gets you drinks at the trendy downtown bar where you go to listen to indie rock. That guy (or girl) is acutely aware of how cool they are, which is exactly what makes them far less cool than the old guy wearing suspenders and whittling on his front porch that you meet on your road trip through Vermont. If an old guy whittles in the middle of Vermont and no one is there to admire him, is he still cool? Actually, he just became cooler precisely because no one is there to admire him. You see, the crème de la cool have no idea that what they are doing or listening to or wearing is cool until a bunch of people wearing vintage rock tees and skinny jeans come along and declare coolness. Ironically, at that point things become far less cool. The ideal state of cool is one where you are confident in who you are and what you like and notice that no one is laughing.

2. Cool Doesn't Advertise.

If a paid spokesperson has to tell you something is cool, save yourself the time and money and realize that coolness can't be manufactured. Coolness doesn't have to hang on to the bumper of your car begging for a second chance to convince you it's worth it. The worst thing someone can do is to boast to someone else about how cool they are, they may as well have just signed their own death warrant (in the world of coolness that is). Cool people like U2 refuse to do any advertising for money and will appear for free in an Ipod commercial just to spread the love of music. Cool people adopt kids from countries no one has ever heard of, then demand their privacy. The coolest people have never seen that commercial or know who has adopted children because they don't have televisions and are too busy being cool to care.

3. Cool Just Happens.

Penicillin is cool. Know why? Well, other than saving many lives, it grew as a result of some moldy Petri dish just hanging out minding its own business. Coolness, much like penicillin, just happened. It didn't need an MTV Vee-Jay or a basketball star to endorse it. This isn't about penicillin though. The point is, cool is just a state of being that happens organically. It is the result of many years of honoring yourself and being true to who you are without caving to societal expectations. It can also involve fashioning duct tape into a blazer. Take Johnny Depp for example, the epitome of cool. He lives in Paris with his partner and their kids, drinks wine, does a movie now and then, stays out of Hollywood. These things alone don't make him cool -- the fact that he seems to have no idea why anyone thinks he is cool is why he is sought out by directors even though he doesn't play the fame game. Besides, he sealed his coolness when he made every girl in America fantasize about having a boyfriend who had knives for hands *ouch*.

Now that you know the three rules of cool, you can stop wasting time trying so hard. The coolest people are those who aren't trying to be cool, but instead doing what comes naturally to them. Lastly, cool people don't read articles like this.