Three Things, a Father Should Know when Fighting for Child Custody!
Studies show, that fathers can be their own worst enemy in a child custody battle, because this is one time, when a man thinks with his emotions rather than logic. Women tend to be more vicious right from the beginning, and waste no time in finding out what they need to do, to win custody and acquire child-support. They learn quickly, that by making a bunch of crazy and in most cases, untrue allegations against the father, such as claiming some sort of child abuse, or that the father is a drug addict or alcoholic, and of course their favorite, The battered wife syndrome. The judge, will almost always allow the mother to have at least temporary custody.
This is when the attorneys usually start planning their strategy, and playing games with the court system. Not to mention with your emotions. A lawyer knows, the courts will always look out for the child's best interest first. And will do their best to keep the child as stable as possible in such a traumatic situation. And by keeping them in one particular household or primary residence, this will give the child more stability.
This clever little move, will work against the father later on because now, the child has established a so-called stable environment with the mother. And makes it nearly impossible for the father to convince the judge to uproot the children once again, in which case, means the father is almost certain not to get primary custody. The courts look at this like, let a sleeping dog lie. Even if in reality, the father is a better parent or role model for the child. In most cases, Mothers seem to have all the rights. And fathers just become weekend dads, and are ordered to pay astronomical amounts of child support. And in many cases, these payments are far beyond the father's financial ability to pay.
Lawyers play a big part in this losing battle as well. Contrary to what they tell you, it's all about the money. They will promise you a Rose Garden and deliver very little for the substantial amount of money that you will have paid them in the end. The lawyer's goal is to work as little as possible and collect as much money as your pocket will allow. Of course they will require a retainer fee up front, which is usually a minimum of $2500. And then the cost will just continue adding up from there.
The vicious cycle continues. The attorneys know how distraught the father is, and will do everything short of selling his soul, to try to restore as much of his life that he can at this time. This of course, is when the father is most vulnerable, and the attorneys will prey on that. And more fees will accumulate. By this time, most fathers become so mentally exhausted, they can't think rationally. Sometimes they may even become very angry or bitter which will cause them to fall further behind in the battle. And if they were lucky enough to maintain enough sanity to hold down a job, they are most likely still in a world of financial hurt. Considering all the attorney fees, court costs, expert fees, such as court appointed psychologists and so on; this can really turn into a financial disaster.
And to add insult to injury, the father must pay a huge amount of his earnings to child-support. In a lot of cases, the father finds himself falling further behind financially. And in most cases, will cause the father to become delinquent with his payments. Now, after all the hurt and sorrow, wasted effort, and financial despair, he becomes in the courts eyes, "a deadbeat dad" in which case, they can now justify the reason for giving the mother custody to begin with. However, even though past history shows, that the court systems lean more towards the mother getting custody, there are plenty of divorced fathers with full custody and the mother will have the visitation rights and pay child support. There are a few different ways a father can obtain custody.
(1) As hard as it may be, a father must put his emotions aside temporarily, and educate himself as quickly as possible on child custody laws and guidelines in his State. There are many ways you can find this information. At the very least, your attorney should be able to tell you what you need to know. Make the attorney work for his money. There is also an abundance of information via the Internet. Or go to your local courthouse and ask for help. Fortunately, in some states there are courts and judges that favor shared custody, which can work out, quite well for most families under the circumstances. This usually means one parent will have the children three or four days a week and the other parent will have the remainder days of the week. And will split holidays and birthdays etc. sometimes, even though you have shared custody, one parent may still be required to pay some child support. That will depend on the situation. In most cases, it is based on who earns the most income.
(2) Another way for a father to obtain custody is to prove the mother is unfit. There are different guidelines in each state. Examples such as, being a drug user, or alcoholic, mental illness, being abusive to the child, other examples include, not being able to provide a proper home or adequate care. However, you should not claim that a parent is unfit, unless you really believe it to be true.
(3) One more way a father can gain custody would be to try to establish temporary custody first. Before you even go to court for the first time, try to get the mother to move out of the primary residence without the children, even if in her mind, it will only be temporary. Then go to work on gathering up all the information you need to battle in court. Keep in mind, stability in the home is what is most often looked at, when the courts are trying to decide where the children should go. In any case, be prepared for a long drawn out and heartbreaking experience. And in any case, the attorneys are usually the only winners in this horrible misfortune.
Published by Bobby K.
I was Born in Flushing Queens New York, grew up in Pennsylvania and spent the last 15 years in Miami, Florida. I have owned several businesses, including two hair salons, a lingerie shop, a bar,and a restaur... View profile
- Flaws in the U.S. Court System Through Literature Through great American literature, the United States Court system has been ripped apart and we know see all of the things wrong with it. Through 2 books and a play, I will show you how these flaws affect everyone.
- The Perfect Criminal Court SystemWith the changing problems that courts are facing in today's society we need to be able to establish what issues can help create our perfect crimianl court system.
- Ria Ramkissoon and 1 Mind Ministries: a Failure of the Court SystemRia Ramkissoon and 1 Mind Ministries: Failure of the Court System
Step-mom Sandra Bullock is Associative Party to Custody BattleSandra Bullock is party to custody battle for porn star Janine Lindemulder's child by virtue of being child's stepmom.- Surviving Child Custody and Divorce When Drugs Are InvolvedAdvice based on my experience of child custody and divorce!
- Tennessee Supreme Court Rules in Anna Mae He Custody Battle
- Anne Gale Sex Videos Website Past Used in Custody Battle Against Day Care Owners
- Child Custody During a Divorce: The Children Come First
- Child Custody Battles: What Every Woman Should Know
- Debbie Rowe Wants Custody of Michael Jackson Children
- Civil & Criminal Court Cases: The Differences
- The New York Court System
36 Comments
Post a CommentI'm not ordered to go to court to figure out the custody thing. Even though my daughter lived with me for 5 years I still had to pay childsupport. Now her mom moved into a place she can't afford an bought a car she can't afford so now she wants more money. My daughter has always wanted to live with me and it's a shame that the courts won't put that into perspective. I work construction an get laid off in the winter time. Just because I make 19.00 an hr doesn't mean I'm rich. It comes out to 25,000 a yr. Nebraska is screwed up. It's a shame when the father (me) does everything he can to provide whatever his daughter wants and need just to get dragged thru a system that belittles his efforts because the mom can't budget..
My wife told me July 2009 that she had a boyfriend and was going to stay with me as room-mate, I said no so she left...a very long story short she took my son out of state didn't tell me or give me my visition and didn't show up for court, I got full custody and vivition is at my discression...she lives in IOWA and will not allow me or her son to call her or will not call him,dispite everything I can to keep communication open, I still talk to her side of family she will not even talk to them...I'm one of the few the won in court and thak god everyday that I got him away from her...now it's my other son (step son ) I worry about,I couldn't help him....that was 2010 the divorce came through,he misses his brother not mom so much but a little.
i have a 6yr old daughter who i love more life itself ive been divorced bout 2 yrs now my ex wife has custody of her i fought for custody of her in march 2011 and lost which is b/s the ex was cheating while we was married and then was trying to get married b4 our divorce papers was signed by judge , this judge is 4 women which is bias so the ex marrys this military dude thats on his fourth marriage in 11yrs and has not seen his own kids in 4 yrs and chooses not to , but he request to be reposted 1000 miles away to put a gap in my and daughters relationship my daughter and i are and always have been very close so now im taking her back to court to try to stop them from being able to move her and reverse custody , to me , the court system is screwed up
@ Ridiculous. Biased? The system is biased. The article's obviously not directed at you, but at the women out there who unnecessarily take their ex husbands to court out of spite. The system is unbalanced in the women's favor. Personally, as a female I find it insulting that they think we need to be coddled. This isn't equality. As a humanist, the system disgusts me. I hate when anyone is treated unfairly, regardless of gender, race or religion.
Courts are biased....they dont listen to anything the non-custodial parent has to show or say . The custodial parents gets the child handed to them regardless if its the right choice. The non-custodial parent has to higher a lawyer to just be heard. The non-custodial parent is treated unfair in the Texas system. How many mothers have killed or flied with them children? How many non-custodial parents committed suicide because they couldn't handle the pressure and drama? My brother did....his wife left him and told him that she was getting full custody of the children and was going to get as much child support as she could. He thought he could better provide for them if he wasn't there. I think a therapist should determine which parent is better fit not the courts. They are overly booked and I think the best interested is overlooked. Its easier to give the child to the mother
I am a step-parent. I see things from a different perpective. I see how torn my husband gets and how the way she "acts" affects his son. My husband has been current in his child support, pays for his insurance, pays half of what he's suppose to, pays half of every sport he is in, and then some. When i first came into the picture, he was paying her $100 to get him on his weekend. After a day or so , she would show up for him. Its what she wants when she wants it including his visitation. He has felt as if he has no rights. He would call the attorney generals office and the police station and nothing would be done. Mothers do not give the father enough credit. Instead of trying to hurt the father because he's not doing what you want, try to think of the child. A child needs to know both parents even if you consider him a dead beat dad. By limiting him to his father, he will want to be with him more. I think child support gives the custodial parent to much power. If it
what about all the fathers who bring it onto themselves? i have a few friends who r father with full custody n YES they are the best choice. but not every allegation of abuse, drug use, alcoholism, is wrong. my ex is not working and is making it very difficult for me to retain my job as well because of his refusal to help care for his son during the week. he is paying me minimal child support and he lost his job from his OWN stupidity, not from anything else.
now he is looking to fight me for primary residence because all i ask him to do is pick up his son from school at 11:30 ONLY on days i need it, because he makes it CLEAR it is NOT what he wants to do, and he still gives me grief. for someone who barely wants to take his son during enforced times, why would he now be so eager to take primary residence? this person who believes that school is NOT in my son's best interest because it costs money? i think your article should be a little less vicious and biased. i agree there are
My boyfriend has a two year old son who he is trying to get full custody of from his ex wife. He loves his son more than anything. The mother seems to care more about going out and partying than taking care of her son. Yesterday when we got him his jacket, shirt and socks had holes all in them. He was wearing the same pants as the day before that had obviously not been washed. The shoes she sent him over in were too tight like always. His toes are growing on top of each other because she refuses for whatever reason to buy him shoes that fit and when we buy them and send him home in them we never see them again. She gives everything we buy him to her sister. She can barely keep the apartment that she has and constantly calls my boyfriend to tell him that he needs to pay her bills (on top of the child support that is taken out of his check every 2 weeks) so that his kid can have a place to sleep, food to eat, and a car to get places to. I know he is responsible for helping pay for the co
im not a mother but i've seen too many bad people win in whats suppose to be a justice system! i may not be smart or old enough to understand but i just thinks its wrong to keep any loving parent away from their child/children! im currently involved in a battle with my boyfriend's and his ex for their child, he's a sweet little boy who loves his daddy so much and its definately seen just when he walks in the room, he runs straight for his dad and wont let him put him down the hole time! even when the mother tries to take him, he wont go! we've tried to talk to her and set up an agreement thats suits both parties but she demanded we go through court, so my boyfriend set it all up, we have our court date in a few months and now she's saying it's too 'stressfull' and she doesnt want to go through the court anymore, all after she read my boyfriends affidavit, she's scared cause we difenately have a chance to at least get shared arrangements, i dont think
Good for you Brent! Fortunately for me, we have shared 50-50 custody which still angers her. I was organized and was able to show the court the outrageous behavior of my ex's antics...cps, police, boyfriends and the list goes on. I read Elizabeth's comments and you have to realize there are MANY sane, rationale and stable fathers like me whose kids are their priority and have sacrificed and have been an active and invested parent and conversely mothers who only see dollar signs and new stilletos. Let's all please wake up to this reality. I encourage EVERY father reading this to join their local chapter of the father's rights association.