Three Tips for How to be a Better Conversationalist

Have you ever had a conversation in which you knew, within seconds, that you might need to start planning your exit strategy? Maybe this little article and the three tips for holding a conversation will help those who are "conversationally challenged" to understand some of the what they are doing, and put them on a path to mending their ways. Pray that some of the people you run into next week read this and understand some of these simple principles of conducting a conversation before you run into them.

Don't Stand So Close To Me - We each have our own personal space, and when you break into that space, you are making them silently cringe, or even worse, sending them the wrong signals.

There are significant cultural differences in what accounts for "personal space. In some cultures, especially for people from Asian countries with their much-higher population densities, "personal space" has a completely different meaning.

But here in the good old US of A, there is "Big Sky Country" and a state with the motto "Live Free, Or Die" and there is a REASON those mottos exist. Americans in general value their space - and will protect it from intrusion.

Whatever you do, do NOT touch another person in an inappropriate way. For instance, a simple touch to the forearm breaks barriers - grabbing their upper arm sends a signal of aggression.

So give me some space, Mack!

Listen Up! - If you ask a question, listen to the answers! There is a big difference between the sexes on this one, but here is a clue for women on listening to men, and another clue for men listening to women.

Men, in general, are quite literal. They say exactly what they mean to say. They do not tend to analyze any emotional charge of what they are about to say. If a guy stumbles and fumbles with an answer, it means one of two things - he doesn't know and is about to "reach" for an answer; or, there IS an emotional charge to the response and he is having difficulty putting it into words.

And there's the big difference, guys. Women tend to wonder in advance what sort of emotional charge might lie behind their words. A woman is much more likely to carefully consider what she is saying before she says it in a conversation than a man is. Her words could be straight out of a dimension you have never even pondered. So men need to look very carefully for shades of meaning to what a woman is saying, and consider the words, and what emotions might lie behind the words, before he responds.

Watch, and Learn! - There are dozens of self-help books out there on body language, most of them nothing but psychobabble that is restating the obvious. Some gems can be gleaned from those books, though, and paying attention to a person's body language IS critical.

If a man flinches at something you say, then you have obviously touched on a sensitive topic. Back off, now, or you potentially face a stone wall - or an argument. Find a different way to say what you just said, because you have obviously offended that man.

If a woman flinches at something a man has said - he needs to be prepared for her to exit the conversation. Most men and women handle confrontation situations quite differently, with men going into "fight" mode, while women tend toward "flight." In a complete about-face, if the same happens in a conversation between two women, a debate or argument could ensue.

The converse is equally true. If a man or woman leans in, or stares into your face, you have obviously grabbed their attention with your words.