Tiger Woods "Affair:" Infidelity, Emotional Pain and Golf Clubs

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but lies will never hurt me...." So goes one version of the old English folk proverb, a sing-songy phrase whose message is challenged by Tiger Woods' supposed affair with a New York social climber, the alleged backstory behind the now infamous incident that occurred in front of Tiger Woods' Florida home in the early morning hours after Thanksgiving.

Whether or not Tiger Woods cheated on his wife Elin, and whether Elin's possible rage at Tiger's alleged lies and betrayal caused her to attack him with a golf club is fictional speculation at this point. But the nerve such rumors has struck with the American public is real. Infidelity has become a behavioral pandemic that threatens the emotional health and well being of millions of men, women and their collateral damage, the children.

Just spend an hour listening to any country music station and it is obvious the emotional pain of betrayal is a far more popular song topic than that of physical pain. As one person commented on a study concerning emotional versus physical pain: "People don't typically write poems, books or songs about how badly that compound fracture hurt or how they are still nursing the wounds suffered from that last ice hockey match."

The almost universal desire to inflict some kind of reciprocal hurt on the person who causes you emotional pain is reflected in Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats and could be one reason the song went double platinum:

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a
bleached-blond tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
cause she can't shoot whiskey
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know...

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat
I Took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all four tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

In another lifetime, when I was married to a man who told the truth only if it would get him in less trouble than a lie, it was his shattering of my trust in him--his willingness for me to challenge my own perceptions of reality and question my very sanity--that hurt me more than any physical pain I have suffered before or since that time. During one of my lowest ebbs I remember feeling intensely emotional around the heroism of the fire fighters who risked their lives to save strangers on 9/11, whereas my husband, the one person in the world who I was sure would rescue me from any metaphorical burning building, turned out to be the person who put me in danger, jeopardizing my emotional and physical sense of well being and safety.

In his book, Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing, psychologist Dennis Ortman confirms my experience. Ortman writes about the pain suffered by one who is betrayed by his or her partner as "heart-wrenching and traumatic," linking the intensity of the emotional pain to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as irritability and rage.

Ironically, far from hurting Tiger Woods' earning capacity, I heard two guys on a radio talk show yesterday theorize that Tiger Woods' endorsements career could get a boost if it turns out Tiger was cheating on his wife since he will seem more like a "regular guy" instead of the robotic Stepford husband he's been portrayed as by the media.

For the sake of Elin and the family's two innocent young children, I cling to a shred of hope that any alleged altercation between Tiger and his wife in the early morning hours after Thanksgiving last week concerned Tiger berating Elin over using one of his golf clubs as a door stop or Elin lecturing Tiger for eating the last piece of pumpkin pie. The momentary stings of such insults can be recovered from far more quickly than the deeper emotional wounds of infidelity, betrayal and loss of trust.

Sources:
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=7421
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/6/messages/137.html
http://www.lyricszoo.com/carrie-underwood/before-he-cheats/
http://www.prlog.org/10231357-dr-dennis-ortman-to-discuss-postinfidelity-stress-disorder.html