Tiger Woods: The Anti-Celebrity Culture Celebrity

Over the past weekend we found that Tiger Woods had an accident at 2:30 in the morning, for which he received a ticket. We do not know the exact details of the accident except that he took out a fire hydrant, his wife had to break a window with a golf club to get him out, and he was unconscious for six minutes. Why he was leaving the house at 2:30 in the morning and where he was headed, we can only speculate (Allow me a moment of glibness: my vote is for diaper changing duty, it has set many a young parent off. Or maybe he told her that they should not have designed their new Hobe Sound estate to look like an IKEA and then figured he better head out for an early tee time).

Guess what? That is all we need to know. The rest is really none of our business. I have looked at this from every angle and, unless some other piece of info comes out, we have no need to know. I do not work for one of his sponsors or his charities or help run his tournament. I am sure that at some level he owes it to those people to make some sort of amends. He also might be taking a hit to his image that he does not want. But for the rest of us, we are owed nothing. In a way, Tiger has made this possible because of the how he has carried himself. And ,in a way, that is refreshing.

Don't get me wrong. I am a gawker just like everyone else. I make no apologies for my occasional glances into the world of Celebratoria. But I have no more need to find out what happened here than I need to find out why their was a crash on the interstate this morning that backed up traffic for miles. Actually, I would like to know more about this morning's crash, since it delayed my trip to work and I would like to take that person out with a golf club swing or two.

Let me quickly delve into my personal views of Tiger, since I feel that every sport fan should have an opinion on the giants of the games. I have always felt that watching Tiger is watching greatness. I'd like to root for the underdogs and do on occasion, but it is a pleasure to watch him break records. I was not fortunate enough to see Babe Ruth or Joe Louis. I saw Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan. I have seen Jerry Rice play wide receiver as perfectly as anyone has ever needed to. And I watched Michael Johnson win the 200 and the 400 meters at the Olympic Level, a nearly impossible feat. In Tiger, I see all that greatness, whether it is pulling away at the Masters or winning in sudden death just before he heads for surgery. People can find his aloofness frustrating. I have decided to withhold criticism until I can do anything as well as he can. In the meantime, I will enjoy the ride.

Tiger is the World's most famous athlete and as part of the deal comes the accompanying beautiful wife (Isn't that the law?). I also think everyone should have an opinion on gorgeous blondes and my opinion on Elin Woods is that she is all that and a day at the beach. She could turn heads at the Running of the Bulls, much less a golf tournament. But Tiger has always said that there are parts of his life that stay private and just because he plays an individual sport and has a beautiful wife, everyone needs to keep their distance. Since he has never leveraged his home-life for public gain, we need to respect that.

With all the faux celebrities out there, isn't it refreshing to have a guy who wants to be respected for doing something at a level that few can match? Tiger signed huge contracts at the beginning of his career because of his potential, and he has delivered. He may not catch Jack Nicklaus's record for majors but, then again, he might. And he has made it worth watching him pursue it. This is real. This is not someone who is famous because grandpa was rich, or one of three large arsed gum chewers whose step dad won the Olympic Decathlon in 1976, or someone who made a couple good movies or records and then spent the rest of their lives showing up on Entertainment Tonight. There are celebrities who we can't get rid of, like Jennifer Anniston. Without much effort, I can find out all about Jennifer Anniston's love life; darned if I can remember her last good movie.

Aren't you sick of people who hoax everyone with kids in balloons? Are you tired of people who do not realize that taping yourself naked for your boyfriend is akin to putting it on the six o'clock news? A father of eight who gets the chance to finance the rest of his life and then blows it all because he thinks he needs to be a stud. Some idiots end up at a White House State Dinner, and we have to hear every side of the story for a week, and we still have no idea what really went on because the perpetrators want a half million dollars to tell us about it. Every time Madonna sees her CD's being placed in the discount bin, she runs out and gets a kid, a husband, or a divorce.

As far as what we expect out of our athletes that is hard to say. I do not condone bad behavior by anyone, anywhere. But there are only certain times when it directly affects me. Two years ago Alex Rodriguez's private and public life were colliding. It was affecting what he did on the field. The other creepy side is that his wife was doing interviews and making a spectacle out of herself in Yankee Stadium; not easy among 56,000 of my fellow faithful knuckleheads. So it did matter. But, if Tiger needs to take care of things at home, that's what he should do, without our help. He just wants to be the greatest golfer ever. Elin Wood just wants to watch her husband play in peace. There is something perverse in enjoying the misery of two people, even if they both are clearly at the deep end of the gene pool. Schadenfreude is not nearly as satisfying as its practitioners think it is. Let them be.

Sometimes we have problems where we need help. Sometimes we have a problem where we wish the world would leave us alone to sort it out. Tiger Woods has managed his career the way he manages 40 foot putts. So we get to enjoy what he does on Sunday and not worry about what he does on Tuesday. If we really believe that the "Celebrity Culture" is out of control, let's let a legitimate icon have a little respect.