Tiger Woods Tops 100 Unsexiest Men List, Mike "The Situation" Close Second

Tiger Woods is at the very top of the Boston Phoenix' list of 100 Unsexiest Men with the nickname "Happy Drillmore." Tiger's sexual escapades with just about "any hooker, cocktail waitress, golf groupie, substitute teacher, den mother, and rodeo clown within a chip shot of his 5-iron" are what qualify him for that honor. So having too much sex is unsexy, and all this time we thought it was oversexed. Being cheap is very unsexy, but they obviously haven't heard about how The Chicken Wrap Caper yet. Well, it probably makes no difference since Tiger Woods can't get any higher on the list, can he?

Why is Mike "The Situation" of MTV's hit show Jersey Shore literally a close second? As incredible as it may seem, they say Mike couldn't get any action in spite of possessing an inflated ego, showing off his abs, and buying the brewskis because, according to the Phoenix, he's a "butterface" with a "complete lack of game." The worst part about it is the women he was after were "pickled" and looking for a good time - just not with "The Situation."

John Edwards is No. 3. Here's partly why: He looks like a "cross between John Denver and Kenneth the Page," He cheated on his sick wife and then, after he got his mistress pregnant, he initially denied the child was his.

Screenwriter, producer, filmmaker and just about everything else you can think of except go on a diet, Kevin Smith, is the No. 4 Unsexiest Man on the Boston Phoenix list. They thought he got removed from the Southwest Airline flight because "nobody wanted to sit next to the guy who made Cop Out" -- and not because he is obese.

John Mayer comes in at No. 5 thanks to his TMI Playboy interview. His masturbation revelations and reason why he won't date black women were just Too Much Information! We didn't need to know any of that, John. Yuck. We hope you are seeing a therapist for all your problems, chronic and otherwise, particularly not knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

Surprisingly, Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, did not make the Top 5 but he did come in No. 6. As you can see, it is a very up-to-date list since the Jesse James scandal is just getting to be a month old and still going strong.

Infidelity and hypocrisy were high on the Boston Phoenix's list of reasons that set their "unsexy senses" tingling. More real surprises on the list include Lil Wayne (No. 17), a choice a lot of people would disagree with. Being in jail gives Lil Wayne beaucoup street cred, doesn't it? Maybe they don't like him without his grill which he had to take off when he went to jail.

Ryan Seacrest (No. 28) just doesn't have enough pizzazz for Boston Phoenix to find him sexy, but what kind of reason is that to put him so high up on the list? What could Ryan possibly have done to be considered less sexy than Roman Polanski (No. 48) "the Swiss sleaze? " Roman, by the way, is not Swiss and we are sure the Swiss will be highly offended by that description, even though Polanski was arrested in Switzerland and it rhymes with Swiss cheese. Roman is Polish (although born in France) so maybe they should have gone with the "Polish pedophile."

Source:
The Boston Phoenix: The 100 Unsexiest Men of the Year