Time and Unforeseen Occurrences

I knew Monique was depressed and going through some changes, but taking her life is not the answer. What was she thinking? I've got enough problems of my own and here Monique goes and and starts tripping. I bet it had something to do with Miles and him popping home every other day and she practically taking care of their finanances on her own. I wish she could just see that she's better off without him. Just last week we had a conversation on this very thing and I thought she had got the point, but she was getting very defensive and even trying to turn the subject on to me as if my problems are in the same category as hers. And what's with that depressing Phyllis Hyman she's always listening to. Phyllis was probably listening to her own depressing songs when she took her own life. Monique acts as if she is the only one with problems, I have my own but I know how to deal with them.

I am a Registered Nurse, a professional who eats to hide her own insecurities. I have a set of three year old twins and a nine month year old boy that I love to death, but sometimes just looking at them depresses me. I have a husband whom I am always hearing through the grapevine has had more extramariatal affairs than Elizabeth Taylor has had husbands, I was sexually molested as a child, but still I have never thought of taking my own life.

A lot of women wouldn't stay with my husband Jeffrey the way that I have, but I know Jeffrey, he loves me, I know he does, I can feel it. Until there's proof of these rumors my marriage is staying intact. Besides to be honest, between my babies, my job and keeping the house clean, I be too tired to worry about anything, especially rumors. Besides Jeffrey is a good provider, we live in a beautiful three bedroom, three bath brick ranch style home. I drive a Chrysler Mini Van that's two years old, and he has a Cadillac Escalade. One thing is for sure they might be getting his body, but they sure are not getting his money. He hands that over to me!!! But I told him if I ever catch him or he brings home a disease to or another baby by some hoochie, he got to go, and I'm still going to be getting the money.

What's taking the doctor so long to get back to me. I wanted to stay with her in the back while they pumped her stomach, I explained to the doctor that Iwas a registered nurse and that I could assist him. He said, "No," something about me not being employed by the hospital or possibly being sued.

Why is it so hard for Mo to get it together? HOw can someone so smart and creative as she is want to throw it all away? How could she leave her boys? I need a smoke, if they don't come soon I am going to the smoking area. I know what's wrong with Monique, growing up she got everything she wanted. Between her grandma and Auntee Zee she didn't lack anything. Life got hard after she married Miles, she couldn't handle it, but Miles did not make it easy either. I know there are things she wants for her and her children but instead of working for it, she gives up.

Why can't Monique use some of that positive energy for herself she uses on the boys, Miles and even me? It was her who helped me make it through the hardest time in my life, becoming a Registered Nurse. I wanted to quit so many times, that it isn't funny. But she wouldn't let me, she studied with me, typed my term papers after I wrote them in long form, she was always telling me not to give up, and that I could do it.

Good, here comes that good looking doctor.

"How is she doing doctor?"

"Physically she is doing fine."

"Nurse Lewis came out earlier and said I could see her, is that okay?"

"Yes it is but I have given her a sedative or she won't be making too much sense, it may be wiser to visit with her a little later."

"When can she come home?"

"Monique won't be going home for a couple of days. There is a reason why she tried to take her life and she needs to figure out why, so she won't do it again. We need to contact her husband, we have some papers he needs to sign, giving us permission to treat his wife. The state of mind that Mrs. James is in now she would probably still be a danger to herself. She needs to talk to a specialist in the mental department of this hospital. We are sending her to the fifth floor. You must know being a nurse that it is not normal to want to take your own life, something very deep is troubling Mrs. James."

I start to roll my eyes and look toward the ceiling. "Doctor it is nothing wrong with Monique, here is the mental specialist she needs to talk to," and I raise my left foot and point to the tip of my shoe.

The doctor looks at me as if he can't believe that I just said that. He just does not understand Monique like I do, she needs to find that inner strength that I know she has, if I can deal with problems without taking my life she can too.

"Are you sure that you are a nurse?"

"Yes I am," I say with my hand on my large hip and my head rolling at the same time, "you got a problem with me being a nurse?"

He steps back and answers, "no." Then he was going. "Was it something I said?" I murmured under my breath.

Here comes the part that I dread. I have to call Monique's mother Zabeta Iman Wilson Jones, better known as Auntee Zee. She and I don't always seem to see things eye to eye, so we avoid each other as much as possible. I just don't like the way she treats Monique.

I put my change into the phone and dial Lady Zee's number, the phone rings once, twice, three times, (good maybe she's not there, I'd rather leave a message anyway).

"Hello Jones resident."

Shoot she's there. "Hi Auntee Zee, this is Quincy, you know Uncle Jacob's niece, how are you doing?"

"Fine Quincy, have you seen or talked to Monique today?"

"I'm doing fine too, thanks for asking," I say saracastically.

"Monique is the reason why I am calling. Auntee Zee I am at the hospital here in Danville with Monique. I'm calling you because you need to pick up Jonathan and Marcus and let them stay with you tonight."

"I already have them, what happened to Monique that prevents her from keeping her own children?"

"Well Monique did something today really crazy and now a mental health specialist has to see why she did it."

"What crazy thing did Monique do?"

I close my eyes and think to myself why am I the one who has to do this?" I swallow hard. "Auntee Zee, Monique tried to kill herself today with some pills and liquor."

There is silence on the other end. "Auntee Zee are you still there?"

"Yes Quincy I'm here, is she all right?"

She's fine according to the doctor, but they're not releasing her until she sees a mental specialist."

"What time are visiting hours over?"

"Well right now she is under sedation and she wouldn't really do much talking, the doctor thinks she is emotionally unstable."

I thought I heard a crack in her voice, "Quincy who found her?"

I swallow the knot I feel is crawling up in my throat. "Well I had an appointment with one of my patients that live around the corner from her, so I decided to drop by for a few minutes. When I got there, I could hear her music playing and I knew it wasn't the boys, they were in school besides it was that Phyllis Hyman music, so I knocked on the door. There was no answer, so I went around the back to check and see if she was sitting on her deck, she wasn't. Once I was in I called her name, she did not answser. I walked into the bedroom and there she was in a daze almost sleep. There was an empty Ambien prescription and a empty bottle of liqour."

Auntee Zee let out a deep sigh and I could have sworn her say the word "stupid" under her breath, She made me feel as if I had just ruined her day.

"Is there anything you want me to do Auntee Zee, take the kids?"

"Find her husband, I'll handle the rest. Thank you Quincy for the call and tell your mother hello. And Quincy I trust yoi know that this will be kept between us."

Yes Auntee Zee we wouldn't want your rich friends to find out, I thought to myself. "I understand Auntee Zee, tell Monique I'll see her once she gets settled. Bye Auntee Zee."

"Goodbye Quincy."

Whew that's one conversation I'm glad is over. The clock on the wall says 4:30 good, I have time to go home and fix dinner and give the kids their baths, and find out why Jeffrey was two hours late coming home from work this morning. Like I said before I have my own problems. I throw my purse over my shoulders and head my big butt toward the exit. I'm hoping with it being so near for the sun to go down it won't be so hot this June day.

Once I am outside, I immediately reach into my pockets for my lighter and cigarettes. I know it seems funny with me being in the medical and health profession that I am smoking but hey I need something to relax my nerves. Uhmmm that smoke feels good going down my lungs and just like clock work here comes the cough behind it. I can hear Monique now telling me, "Girl you are going to cough up a lung with them things." When I think about it now it seems like we were both hypocrites or talking out of both sides of our faces.

I have once again forgotten where I parked so I press the alarm on my key chain, and the sound alarm goes off, "oh there it is" I say to myself and I head toward my mini van. I inhale again and the guilt starts again with it. I take care of people every day to keep them from dying or at least helping them to die comofortably, and here I am killing myself slowly with these cigarettes, not to mention what I am doing to the kids with my second hand smoke at home. Here is Monique always fussing at me about smoking, telling me the dangers of cigarettes and what does she do, she tries to take her own life."

All of a sudden I feel tired and drained and disgusted, good thing I am at my car. I unlock the car, fling my pocketbook on the passenger side and sit down. All of a sudden I am sick and tired of everything, the hot sun, lectures on smoking, taking care of patients, tired of worrying about Monique, tired of worrying if Jeffrey is honest with meet about the so called rumors. I need to calm down and relax, and that's when I decide that I am not ready t go home yet, I go visit Lisa, a friend of mine at least I think she is, sometimes I am not too sure. I turn the engine on the car, allow it warm and then I turn the air conditioner on, full blast.

Lisa is cool, she lives near the projects with her four boys in a beautiful brick home that she bought with habitat, I helped build her home. All her boys are fathered by different men and I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't know the names of her all fathers, but the subject never comes up. She had a rough life growing up, something that was passed onto by her mother and in return she's passing it on to her kids.

She works five hours a day at the free clinic assisting the doctors and nurses as a receptionist, the job has given her s little sense of pride, she wants to go to college and get a degree.

Lisa still looks good for a woman who has given birth four times, she's barely lost the shape that she had when we were in high school. She still wears the same hair style, a jheri curl, same makeup up with the dark racoon eyes and blue eye shadow. She needs to step up to the nineties.

There is one thing we knock heads on and that's Lisa messing around with other women's men, she don't care if it's a boyfriend or husband they are all the same to her. I sometimes wonder if Jeffrey has ever been on this end without me, but I really don't what to know the answer, because that would be dangerous to my health. I would probably have to face the gas chamber for killing him and her. Besides I would like to believe when she smiles at me and we talk she is really sincere and that we are really friends. Still there is something that is nagging me, that second to the last baby boy she has with the big brown eyes, and light skin complexion that sort of favors my Little Jeffrey, but I try not to let my mind go there.

As I turn on to Industrial Avenue I notice a figure walking that looks very familiar, it's Miles. Before I know what I'm doing I'm honking my horn, slamming on brakes, rolling down my window yelling at Miles. I peek in my rear view mirror in time to see a woman that was probably belching out obscenities. My mind will not allow me to get upset, Monique at the moment is what is important to me. Miles looks over at my van and when he realizes who it is, he tries to pretend not to see me. "Oh no he didn't." I say to myself.

"Miles when was the last time you been home to check on your family? I yell at him.

"I don't think that is any of your business," he yells back.

I rolled my eyes, drew in a deep breathe, "Miles I am not in any mood for your mess, now get in this van and I have something to tell you about Monique."

He slammed his hands into his pockets of his acid washed blue jeans, "If it is just the same to you I would rather just stand here, now what about Monique."

"Miles, Monique is in the hospital because she tried to kill herself today with an overdose of sleeping pills."

He loooked as if someone had just punched in the stomach, his ciagarette fell out of his mouth.

"Mo did what? Where are the boys?"

"She tried to kill herself and the boys are with Auntee Zee."

His eyes started to get misty, but they couldn't get no redder, because that's the color they permanetly are from so much drinking and doing drugs. I could see traces of the man Monique fell in love with years ago. His skin was still choclate brown, though it was now ashy, indicating that his body was into something it couldn't handle, those once sparkling brown eyes had lost its luster and those shoulders that used to stand so tall now slumbered, trying to run streets and home again were taking its toll on him.

He stammered, "So what am I supposed to do about it?"

"Well you could at least go and see your wife, the mother of your children, to let her know you care about her."

Miles looks down to the ground. "She don't need to see me, I'm probably the reason why she's there now, besides, I'll probably run into Queen Zee, and that's all I need."

My blood pressure was climbing, the heat seem to make me hotter and I reached into my pockets for my lighter and cigarettes, doing this would calm me down and give me time to think of what I would say to Miles next without cursing him out, I lit my cigarette and blew the smoke out the van."

"Can I borrow one of those Quincy?"

"To borrow something means that you intend to pay it back. To pay something back means you have a way or a plan to pay back. Notice I keep using the word pay." Calm down Quincy I say to myself, don't beat a horse when he's already down. "Yeah you can have a cigarette," and I reach down in my box and give him a couple.

"I'll get one of the fellas to drop me off."

"You need to call the hospital and see what she needs, toothbrush, paste, pajamas etc. Miles you need to stepo up the plate and be a man. All these years Monique has been taking care of you and the boys, she now needs you to take care of her."

Miles did not reply, instead he looked down at the sidewalk and when he did give me eye contact again, there were tears in his eyes.

I roll up my window, put the car in drive and pull off fast, making my wheels holler. I wanted it to look all dramatic. Between thinking about Lisa's light skinned baby and seeing Miles being a bum as usual just tired me out completely. I decide it's time to go home now. I cut the raido on and some rap music is on by Tupac, since I am not in the mood, I just cut the radio off and drive home in silence. I couldn't decide if I wanted to take highway 58 home, or down Mt. Cross Road. I wasn't in the mood for curves, or hills today, so I decided to take the open highway.

I started thinking what would Monique's grandma say about this whole situation if she was here. Probably speak a proverb or two that would just make you sit and think. My mind then jumped to the last conversation that I had with Monique. That last conversation was like riding a car and going in circles, taking no left or right turns, and getting nowhere.

FLASHBACK****

"Monique is Miles home today?"

"No he left a couple of days ago, to go to work at Harris Teeter and hasn't come back."

"So how long do you think he'll stay at this job?"

"I don't know Quincy only time will tell." I could tell she was getting irritated.

"Is he getting help for any of his addictions, like he promised?"

"No is Jeffrey getting help for his?" Monique asked in a sarcastic manner.

"Jeffrey has no addictions, you trying to be funny?"

"Well from what I hear something's wrong with him, that can't be cured at home."

I pretend not to know what she's talking about, I thought to the outside world I was keeping my business together.

"Is there something you want to say to me Mo?"

"No nothing I don't think you don't already know, and for your information Miles job is working pretty good, he likes working for this company."

"Uhmm, so how long are the kids, and what are they going to do for the summer vacation?"

"The boys are fine and I am thinking of letting them spend a lot of time with mother, as a matter of fact the last day of school she is taking the boys shopping."

"How is Auntee Zee and Uncle Jacob doing?"

"Jacob is doing fine as usual and sweet as ever, I really can't say about mother all we do is talk about the boys, because anything else will be an attack on me." The phone goes silent for a few minutes and then she starts up again, "So how is your job going, enjoying your patients, and how are the babies?"

"My patients are doing fine but the job is getting on my nerves, and the kids well they are doing good, but you know how that goes." We both laugh but I can tell there is something bothering Monique and I know what it is but I ask anyway. "Mo are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm just tired and my back hurts a little bit. I have caught a summer cold and I just can't seem to shake it off."

"Been to the doctor?"

"No I don't want the doctor bill, I'm just tired of life I guess that's what got me down."

I roll my eyes to the ceiling and think here we go again. "What's wrong Monique besides, the fact that you having a man who don't want to work and act like a man. Even though I know for some women that would be enough."

"I"m not worried about Miles, like Grandma used to say you reap what you sow, it's just I feel so empty and unwanted. I try to think positive but there's nothing to feel positive about."

"Well it's obvious you opened your eyes this morning because I am talking to you - that's a positive. Both of your kids are still here and in good health - that's a positive. Everybody ate three healthy meals today - that's a positive. Monique I could go on and on with this."

"I know Quincy and I realize all that you have mentioned should be enough, but it's not. I'm thirty years old with bad credit, living in an apartment and driving a very old car that is definitely on it's last leg. Whenever I run into people that I went to high school and I see how well they are doing, married with their nice houses and new cars and good jobs, it's so depressing. Look at you, you're one of the people that depress me, but I am not jealous of what you have, you worked hard for what you have. But look at me, I have no career unless you want to call working at that factory, sewing baby clothes, a career. I hate to admit to people that I am married with children, well not the children part."

"Mo you have been married to this man for ten years and well that is an accomplishment, a lot of marriage don't last this long, that shows that you are not a quitter. It's not you that's the problem it's your husband. When Miles is home he drives YOUR car, you practically keep the roof over you guys head by YOURSELF. He changes jobs like most people change their mind, and I won't even go into his other habits. As far as your education and job career choices, whose fault is that? YOU are the one keeping you from going any further. If you want your credit straight work on it, go to one of those credit counselors. Anything YOU want in life Monique YOU are going to have to go for it because no one is going to give you anything, your grandmother has passed and Auntee Zee's bank account to you has been closed for a long time now. YOU have to start belieivng in YOURSELF, like you believed in me, like you believe in your kids and the way you have always believed in Miles."

"I hear what you're saying Quincy but I had my chance a long time ago and I blew it. I really believe that the kids are better off with my mom, whenever they come home from being with her, it's true they are glad to see me, but at the same time they're depressed to have to come back to this, especially when they leave mother's house."

"Monique your kids love you and they depend on you to be there. Auntee Zee could buy them things, but she can't give them what you their mother can give them. Besides what makes you think she would even want them on a full time basis? Her and Uncle Jacob have a busy life taking care of all them houses and apartments they own. I hear that they are thinking about investing in some mall that is going to be built on the outer limits of Martinsville, Virginia. Do you really thinks she wants to be a grandmother full time?"

" I don't know but if she had too she would. Quincy she is not the same person she was when I was a child. You should see her with the boys, and them with her. I can't believe their grandmother is my mother! Besides she married now with a wonderful guy and she's a lot more mature and she's settled now."

"Mo I have to go now, I have to start dinner and Jeffrey will be home with the kids any time now. I'm going to tell you what your grandmother told me about you. She said you need to get yourself together and start to depend on you. Not for the kids sake, but for yours."

"Yeah whatever Quincy, I have to go now, I love you."

"Love you too." By the time I put the phone on the hook I have a splitting headache. She has gotten on my last nerve, again. I get so tired of her acting stupid and saying stupid things, why can't she see her intelligence and dig deep within herself and find her inner strength.

Back To The Present********

Thinking of that last conversation with her I now realize that Monique meant every word that she said. Now I feel bad because at the time I shrugged her off. I turn into the Corner Market to get me a wine cooler and another pack of cigarettes, one day I am going to quit smoking, but today is not that day. I can see my house from the store since it is just across the road. After purchasing my goodies, I get back in my van. I drive across the street to my house. I get out and walk in, where the odor from tonight meal hits me in the face, cubed steak and onions. It smells good. Here comes the girls down the hall yelling and hugging my legs and behind them in his walker is my little man struggling to get to me. This makes me get a wearily smile. Jeffrey comes down the hallway and gives me a kiss. The "I've got a secret look on his face," my kids yelling "mommy, mommy" pulling my leg could only mean one thing. I smile again to myself, "I'm home."