Time-Out: How to Make it Effective

In today's society, it is no longer acceptable to rely on physical punishment to shape our children's behavior. With such a large emphasis placed on the consequences of physical punishments, many parents have found themselves in a bind as to how to handle their misbehaving children. When used effectively, time-out can be a successful and nonviolent method of curtailing a child's out of control behavior. By removing the child from the present situation and providing some quiet time to think about and to discuss the problem at hand, the parent is likely to achieve success in modifying the child's negative behavior.

Time-Out in Detail
Just as stress is a sign of discontent in an adult's life, a child's negative behavior is often a manifestation of some underlying frustration or unhappiness. Because of this, it is necessary that time-out not be viewed as a punishment. Because children are not born with an innate ability to deal with everyday stresses, they must be taught to develop effective coping skills. Through the utilization of time-out, the parent is providing the child with an opportunity to calm down and to think things through. During this time, the child is on his own in his own moment of solitude. Any attention from the parent, positive or negative, will only escalate the situation and set a negative example that the child will inevitably follow. It is important to remember that any form of attention, even screaming or yelling, will provide the child with attention and will reinforce the negative behavior.

Time-Out and Age Appropriateness
Because toddlers experience trouble with sitting still, it is difficult to implement time-out in children under the ages of two or three. If a parent attempts time-out with a child under two years of age, a scene of chaos and despair is likely to erupt. At this difficult age, children are motivated by an unyielding desire to explore their environment. They are not governed by and possess no understanding of rules. Because of this, to ask a toddler to sit in one spot for any given length of time is useless. A good sign that a child is age ready for time-out is that he or she reminds the parent when a rule has been broken.

Structure for Time-Out
Under normal circumstances, time-out should always occur in the same designated area. When possible, a chair used specifically for time-out should be provided. The time-out chair should be placed in an area where the parent can keep an eye on the child without the child's knowledge of the parent's attention. One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is to send the misbehaving child to his or her room. This is an area in which the child is comfortable and will likely be able to engage him or herself in several entertaining activities. In reference to this, there should be nothing entertaining or stimulating within the child's area of vision. Family pets should not even be allowed to enter the room during time-out. As children grow and can be trusted to behave on their own, the bathroom becomes an ideal site for time-out.

A good rule of thumb is that every child should spend one minute in time-out for each year of age. Thus, a 7-year-old should spend seven minutes in time-out. A kitchen timer is very effective for this purpose. Children tend to respond better when they can actually hear the timer counting down their minutes in time-out. The timer should be placed either within the child's eye-sight or directly outside of the door to the bathroom. If the child gets out of the time-out chair or comes out of the bathroom before time is up, the timer should be set back to the original number of minutes.

The First Formal Time-Out
Any method of time-out is rendered useless when it is not explained to the child beforehand. The child should always be placed in time-out immediately following the behavior that is being corrected. This ensures that the child will make the connection between time-out and negative behavior. In some cases, it is useful to take the first time-out together. Explain to the child why he or she is going into time-out. In addition to this, the child should also be given an explanation of the rules of time-out. The child must develop a clear understanding that if he or she chooses to get up before time-out is complete, time-out will be started over again. During this first time-out, it is useful to model examples of good behavior to the child. Any quiet activity, such as reading a book, coloring a picture, or working a puzzle, will due. This type of activity will introduce the child to the idea of forming good coping skills and developing effective calm-down methods.

In the first stages of time-out, it is necessary to remember that children are children and that no single method of discipline will turn any child into a perfect angel. In most situations, it is useful to develop a number of tactics that can be employed to shape behavior.