Timid Reporter Interviews Billy Ray Cyrus

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 28 - April 28, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Billy Ray Cyrus?
BR: Yeah, but call me Billy Ray.
TR: I'm too shy for that. May I call you Mr. Cyrus?
BR: No, man. Call me Billy Ray. You'll get used to it.
TR: Ok.
BR: Come right in - Miley's right here, in case you have any questions for her. Of course, if you do, you're gonna have to ask me the questions first.
TR: Yes, I know - she's not eighteen, yet.
BR: Not only that, I'm her manager.
TR: You know I came because of the picture in Vanity Fair.
BR: Yeah, I figured.
TR: Is it true you gave permission for it?
BR: First of all, let me say we were told that the picture would be done tastefully. That's what we approved up front. Then the picture was taken - several actually - and everything was ok. We were there. We thought it was tasteful until we saw it in print the first time. Then after several hours, it did appear to be ok. It's a little, shall we say, mature for her age but Miley is a very mature girl. Her fans are behind her on this.
TR: The parents are a little bent out of shape.
BR: I think it's a little hypocritical of them and let me tell you why. Those same parents let their young kids wear whatever and whenever they want. I bet you anything that if they were offered $500,000 for a few pictures of their teenagers they wouldn't turn it down.
TR: That much?
BR: If you had a good offer like that, would you turn it down?
TR: I don't know. The Kansas Poetry Bulletin offered me $50 for my picture.
BR: How can you compare that to Vanity Fair? Not even close.... I have to look out for our best interests - that's why we were quick to apologize. We don't want this to turn into a scandal.
TR: People are saying the scandal will sell more magazines.
BR: We hope so. It's just business after all.
TR: You don't think Miley will be traumatized?
BR: You've got to be kidding. Ask her if you want.
TR: Will you be traumatized, Ms Cyrus?
BR: You have to ask me first, as we agreed.
TR: Will she be traumatized?
BR: You've got to be kidding. Ask her yourself.
TR: Never mind.
BR: Miley was perfectly safe the whole time.
TR: Safe from what?
BR: The photographer.
TR: Annie?
BR: They said she was some sort of Communist sympathizer.
TR: No, no. She is perfectly safe. I have wanted to take lessons from her. I'm a photographer, too.
BR: Well, go for it. What's stopping you?
TR: She travels all over - even into war zones. Danger and I just don't mix. And, besides, she said I would have to pay my own way. I'd rather just hitchhike.
BR: But that's even more dangerous.
TR: I don't ride with just anybody, only with elderly ladies.
BR: Cross country?
TR: You'd be surprised.
BR: And, you've never had a problem?
TR: No, they actually sometimes give me money for food.
BR: Sir, you have the makings of a gigolo.
TR: What's that?
BR: Never mind. I congratulate you.
TR: Do you think the scandal will affect Miley's income?
BR: If it does, I'm cutting back on her allowance, but I don't think it will.
TR: Oh.
BR: Her income should actually increase. That's what we were told.
TR: How about your own career?
BR: My career is taking care of Miley's career.
TR: Oh. Do you have big plans for her?
BR: We have three deals working with Disney. Each of them is worth a small fortune. There are two tours in the planning stage and a new line of fragrances and body lotions.
TR: Can you disclose the names?
BR: Virtual Venus is one. It won't be out until September - just in time for the new school year. Don't say anything about it.
TR: I won't, but isn't the name a little mature and provocative?
BR: She'll almost be seventeen by then.
TR: And what if there's a scandal?
BR: We hope so. It will help us sell more. People tend to forget one important thing.
TR: What's that?
BR: Her fans are getting older, too. Miley will only help them become better adjusted as they grow older along with her.
TR: She can set an example.
BR: Exactly.
TR: Nobody thought of that.
BR: That's my point.
TR: And from a business standpoint as well.
BR: Exactly.
TR: Thank you, Billy.
BR: Thank you, sir.