Tips for Adjusting to Midlife Issues

Have you approached your midlife years and find yourself having a difficult time coping with this time period? Are you unsure on what you can do to better deal with your midlife issues? To help understand some midlife issues that people typically experience and for tips on adjusting to midlife issues, I have interviewed psychotherapist Carole Gauthier.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan. Originally from France, I have been living in New York for the past 13 years. I hold a MBA from Columbia Business School and am currently completing a PhD at the New School for Social Research on the topic of existential anxiety and the inevitability of death. I am a NYS licensed psychoanalyst and have been trained in Gestalt Therapy at the Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy, in New York. I am interested in people's search for meaning and purpose in life, as well as in identity issues including transitions and adaptation to life changing events."

What are some midlife issues that people typically experience?
"According to stage theorists such as Erikson, Havighurst or Baugarten, adults typically go through stages across their lifespan. For example, in his famous book Seasons of a Man's Life, Daniel Levinson defined five adult life stages: 1) leaving the family, 2) getting into the adult world, 3) settling down, 4) becoming one's own man and 5) the mid life transition, which is largely driven by a more or less conscious assessment of the disparity between the person's goals, and what they have achieved and will be able to achieve before death.

Overall, I think that midlife issues are those which remind one that one's life is at its zenith and that there might be '" or not - just enough time left to adjust whatever needs to be adjusted to make it more satisfying.

This realization about the impermanence of things is often the result of an external life event that acts as a trigger. The event can be either negatively charged, such as losing someone, being extremely ill, having an accident, being abruptly laid off, fearing the empty nest, or positive, such as winning the lottery or being promoted. It can happen when one is dissatisfied with their job situation, relationship or level of achievement in comparison to their peer group. Or, on the contrary, when one has always been highly successful so far and ought to be satisfied from a social and material standpoint but still does not experience happiness in spite of all the success, which makes one feel kind of empty inside.

Confronted with their limitations and finitude and facing the dread of not having enough time, an individual mobilizes their resources to cope with their existential anxiety and tend to rely on psychological mechanisms that can be more or less adaptive. When the subsequent behavior proves destructive, which happens only in a minority of cases, one speaks of a 'midlife crisis'. Having an extra-marital affair, overusing drugs or alcohol, overspending, gambling and living recklessly are examples of such tentative adjustments."

What are some tips for adjusting to midlife issues?
"The higher and stable one's self-esteem, the less impact the trigger will have and therefore the easier the transition from young adulthood to more mature stages. Also, the better connected to community and culture, the smoother the transition.

In terms of tips, embracing impermanence and living in the present, having the courage to confront one's fears, recognizing early on that more of what does not work still does not work and being ready to seize opportunities instead of over-mourning losses can help. Midlife transitions can be as smooth as they can be brutal depending on how sudden is the realization and how unaware and therefore surprised the individual is when confronted to this insight.

In some instances, religious or spiritual beliefs and/or practices are resources that can be of tremendous help when one is seeking guidance and feels disoriented.

It is important also to see midlife transitions as a stage that can affect a family as a whole. Family members such as spouses or children are the ones that sometimes feel really devastated and powerless as a result.

The tips would be to keep the focus on themselves and not cling onto the person as he or she was before. They have to deal with the situation on a different plan than that on which the issue/change arose. There is no point in feeling guilty. They need to reframe the situation so as to see the challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as a catastrophe."

What type of professional help is available for someone that is having a difficult time adjusting to midlife transitions?
"Many different options exist in terms of professional help when in the midst of a midlife transition. The difficulty resides more in how to know which one is the best for you, given your situation and what your needs are. This is why, a few years ago, I have founded the Midlife Institute in New York City, with colleagues and friends. A professional organization where people in transition can come to gain clarity and reorient themselves before choosing and being referred to the right programs and therapeutic services that best serve their needs.

For example, because how midlife issues manifest themselves is often rooted in childhood history, it can be really helpful to see a therapist trained in a psychodynamic approach to therapy. When the whole family is taken aback, a family or couples therapist can be recommended. Group therapy is also a very supportive and a constructive option. Sometimes, coaching sessions can offer the support and structure needed to fulfill an old dream.

Then, once strengthened by the clarity they gained throughout the process, the individual is well advised to find means to regain a healthy level of self-esteem. This entails engaging in activities and challenges that are fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable and connected to other people and the community they live in. Because after all, midlife adulthood is an exciting time and place to be."

Thank you Carole for doing the interview on tips for adjusting to midlife issues. For more information on Carole Gauthier or her work you can check out her website on http://www.carole-gauthier.com .

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5849132/how_to_happily_cope_with_aging.html?cat=5">How to Happily Cope with Aging

Sexual Intimacy For Aging Couples

How to Cope with Aging Parents