Tips for an Anti-Valentine's Day Party

Here are a few tips for an Anti-Valentine's Day Party. Since men and women process the whole Love Experience very differently, they should probably hold separate parties (i.e., either all men or all women). This would probably cut down on the shouting matches too, at least one would hope. Oh - all right, all right! Just join whichever group suits you, okay? Just stop yelling! I guess other group options might include "The Wench Who Took Me to the Cleaners," or "The Jerk Who Slept With My Sister," or whatever. The goal here is to find a group with which to commiserate; a group that understands your pain. A group with which you can vent.

For the all-women group (or almost all-women), I recommend a sound track of sad, broken-heart songs, like The Carpenters' "Reason to Believe." Another good one would be Concrete Blonde's "Joey" (this song always gets me all choked up). How about "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" by the BeeGees? Here's a more up-to-date list for you: http://www.funadvice.com/q/broken_heart_songs. These look pretty good to me, and it's a much better list than a fossil like me could provide. For decorations: lots of green lurid cut-out hearts with red arrows piercing them. Or you could create a bunch of posters with huge Cupids on them, a bunch of magic markers, and let the guests add their own personal touches. For munchies, I recommend some heart cookies that have been artfully baked with zig-zags through the middle, or you can add the zig-zags later with cake decorating utensils. Champagne (for irony). Another fun party game could be "Discuss That Divorce," where you trash the latest celebrity divorce. Granted, there is a fair amount of schadenfreude here, and I should be ashamed of myself, but think of all the times you had to stare at their smiling, self-satisfied mugs while standing on the supermarket line! They owe you big-time!

For the men's group (or anyone of like-minded spirit), I recommend just a bunch of dart boards. Blow up pictures of your exes and affix them to the middle of the dart boards, and then let the darts fly. Award prizes for accuracy. Then turn on the television, break out the spirits and the shot glasses, and take a swig every time someone says, "Happy Valentine's Day!" That should do it. A few munchies might be nice to keep everyone from getting too messed up and not being able to find their way back home. I suggest potato chips or maybe nachos. I don't recommend a venting session for this group, as most guys do not seem to be into that. Unless you want to compare alimony price tags, but that could be pretty revealing, too!

I've run out of tips for an Anti-Valentine's Day Party. I hope this does it. Good luck...