Tips for Bolstering Self-Respect

Perhaps you dwell among them - those who wander around disgruntled, unless they're enveloped in drama. Included in this sect, are those who crave and seek attention through their extreme outward appearance. No different are those, who tolerate cheating relationships; physical and psychological abuse; and individuals that allow themselves to be used by others as doormats. All of them lack self respect.

Robert Ringer author of Action! Nothing Happens Until Something Moves, says, "If a person dislikes himself, and has a low regard for his own abilities, he is unlikely to respect others." Ringer goes on to say, "Such a person may not become a murderer, but in all too many cases, he will harbor resentment - even hatred - for people in whom he identifies his own tolerable flaws."

As the singer and dancer, Aida Overton Walker once said, "Unless we learn the lesson of self-appreciation and practice it, we shall spend our lives imitating other people and deprecating ourselves."

Despite all of the self-contempt we see everyday from people all around, there are four actions Ringer recommends to assist in bolstering self-respect.

1. Stop thinking that rich and famous people are better than you. Their uniqueness is no more special than you own.

Children's activist, Marian Wright Edelman, has come to understand this and has said, "While life was often hard and resources scarce, we always knew who we were and that the measure of our worth was inside our heads and hearts and not outside in our possessions or on our backs."

2. Show respect for others. Ringer states, "You don't have to respect a person's behavior, but you are morally obliged to respect [their] time." He recommends being on time returning phone calls, showing up for meetings (business and social) and other commitments.

If you are disrespecting a person's time, don't be surprised or offended if they no longer want to deal with you. They have an understanding of the Creole proverb from British Honduras that says, "If you make yourself a floorcloth, people will wipe their feet on you."

3. Deal only with people who demonstrate that they are anxious to deal with you. Just as you should return phone calls, you should expect people to return yours.

You also should not have to justify your existence. Ringer suggests you do one of two things if you find yourself in this position: either make it clear to the other person (or party) that you don't have time for interrogation and then make your exit; or skip the explanation and exit immediately.

Says Ringer, "The best self-respect builder you will ever find is the word "Next!"

4. Be sure that your personal law aligns with your mind, heart and actions. Pretension and hypocrisy, says Ringer, are among the most abhorrent human traits. Therefore, you must take great care to always present yourself authentically.

He describes this to mean, renouncing childish behavior and accepting adult responsibilities with the understanding that your actions affect those around you in ways that are not always visible.

According to Ringer, "It's much like throwing a pebble into a pond and watching increasingly large ripples form. Every action you take causes ripples that affect many other lives, including those of people you may never meet."

The director, Marlon Riggs, once said, "When nobody speaks your name, or even knows it, you, knowing it, must be the first to speak it."

Translation: The more you demonstrate respect for yourself, the more others will also respect you.