Tips for the Bride: How to Retain a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law

It's not easy being a daughter-in-law. Whether your fiancée's mom is a wonderful woman or a downright PITA, the inner agony of not knowing if you are "pleasing" the woman who birthed your future mate can be quite agonizing.

Men tend to gravitate towards their moms. The son/mom bond is deep and all future daughter-in-laws must realize that this fellows Mom, whether openly or silently, will have an impact on your lives. You, as the daughter-in-law must put your future husband's relationship into the same perspective as a daughter's father/daughter relationship.

There are a few simple things all daughter-in-laws should know in order to maintain that desired level of peace between themselves and their husbands Mom.

Be yourself. There is nothing that is more of a disappointment to a Mother-in-law than to realize, after the fact, that the woman her son married does not carry the same sincerity, or portray the same personality, that was presented prior to the marriage. Although you may think the marriage ceremony sets you free, remember, a Mother-in-law can be your best ally, through honesty. If you didn't play your fiancée to get him to like you more, don't play his Mom. She'll know.

Wedding rehearsal dinners. One of the most common mistakes a future daughter-in-law makes is giving a more eloquent gift to her mother and her mother-in-law at the rehearsal dinner. Right off the bat you are setting a higher standard for your own mother than your future mother-in-law. And be assured, your future Mother-in-law will notice. Although you may be in charge of the gift buying and the amount of "thanking" you wish to convey, your future husbands Mom is ,and was,as important in his life as your Mom was, and is, in yours. It's your responsibility, for your husband, to let his Mom know she is appreciated for all she has done, or contributed to your day if only in having given you her son.

Don't Compare. We all know that there's nothing like your own Mom. There's also nothing like your future Mother-in-law. There are certain things you should try very hard to keep to yourself. If you find something is not the same at your mother-in-laws home, as it is, or was, at your Mom's she isn't going to appreciate hearing "My mother is such a clean a freak that it's ridiculous. You can eat off of her floor every day." At family dinners," Great meal, my Mom makes the best pot roast!" At the holidays, "My Mom's decorations are so neat and special. You'd love them!" Instead of expressing what it is your Mom does different or you feel is "better" it's best you leave those types of comments to yourself and spend more time telling your Mother-in-law how wonderful the things she does are. Marriage is not a competition between parents and shouldn't be made to feel like one. Respect your husbands Mother the same way you'd respect your own. Appreciate what she does in her special way and enjoy the many differences in your families. By doing this you will grow, learn and perhaps one day find your mother-in-law has some pretty good ideas of her own.

Don't play favoritism. This is going to be one of the most difficult "heart" tasks you may have to make but one of the easiest to cure. Always remember when setting that grouping of family photos out in your new home, your husbands side is family too. Although men rarely notice, or comment on, your decorating schemes, your mother-in-law will. Nothing could be more hurtful to her than to notice there are a vast array of you, your parents, your siblings and other family member photos out while your husband's side is faceless in the mass. If you want to have that closeness with your husband's family you can express it in many ways that are simple and easy to do. Having equal photos of each family side is one of the largest welcome mats into your mother-in-laws heart.

Offer help. You're no longer a guest in your mother-in-laws home. You are a family member and should act like one. Be it a family dinner where you bring your favorite recipe or a store bought desert, your mother-in-law will adore you more if the offer is made. Help clean up. Yes you may work hard and, yes, your mother-in-law may have earned the privilege to be able to stay home (your day will come), that does not mean she is not as, or more, tired than you are. Sitting around, acting like a house guest is not going to make your relationship grow.

Phone her just because. Make her feel you care. A call once a week to say hi is all it takes to put this new relationship on an above standard level even if your mother-in-law doesn't call you. Understand this is the woman you should be respecting. Had she not done something right you'd not have married her son. She certainly deserves to be felt you have time in your life for her as well as your own Mom. If you've always taken your Mom shopping, reserved that special day for you and your Mom, offer that same opportunity to your Mother-in-law.

Call her Mom. No one will ever replace your Mom and your mother-in-law doesn't except, nor want to, be your Mom. She wants the respect she's earned in raising her son. Waiting for that single instance of eye contact will only go so far. First name in-law calling is disrespectful. Using Mr. or Mrs. so and so is formal and uninviting. Take a few deep breaths and once the first Mom comes out, all future Mom's will come with ease. Your mother-in-law will love you for it and you've regained that special seat in the family, once again.

Lastly on the list, enjoy each other. Laugh, love and respect each other. If all three of those things are implemented you'll find, not only will your relationship with your new husband be bountiful, but everything that comes with a marriage will follow in kind