Tips for Bringing Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend to Thanksgiving

Sure, it's the second week of September, but it's not too early to start thinking about making the return trek "home" for the holidays. Whether you are a college student or working far from where you grew up, there is something comforting about going home. Careful consideration should be taken especially if you decide to bring your "special friend" home for the first time to meet your family. While it's wonderful to see your family members during winter breaks, and you may be excited to share in your happiness, introducing your new significant other during this time may be fraught with hazards.

Let's face it; the holidays are stressful enough as it is, and perhaps more so for parents. Moms, in particular, are usually responsible for preparing a massive Thanksgiving dinner, more an elaborate production than simple meal, and an additional guest may cause parents more unintentional alarm and nervousness.

Speaking as a person who has been on both sides of the story, from new girlfriend to mom at home, I recognize that bringing home your girlfriend/boyfriend for Thanksgiving is a huge step for everyone.

If you don't want your Thanksgiving holiday weekend to resemble a Disney movie gone bad just remember, there are some simple rules to consider when bringing your girlfriend or boyfriend home to meet your family. (For the sake of keeping this article simple, I will use the term "boyfriend" throughout.)

First of all, discuss your home situation thoroughly with your friend before making your plane reservations. Now is the time to be brutally honest about any personality quirks with any of your family members. In all probability, your family is just as quirky as the next, but it's a good idea to bring out any concerns before the trip. Make sure he comprehends any possible pitfalls that may arise from being in your family situation. For example, it would be extremely unwise to ask for a glass of wine in a house full of teetotalers, or to bring up religion or politics. Your boyfriend may hold a special place in your heart, but he is basically a stranger in your parents' home. It's better to save the familial behavior for after he's actually in the family.

Next, a fine touch would be for the boyfriend to bring a token gift. Moms especially would appreciate a thoughtful present, but dads aren't immune to a little bribery either. A thoughtful boyfriend will quiz his lady as to what may be appropriate. It doesn't have to be much; perhaps a bottle of wine, a potted plant, college sweatshirt from your alma mater or scented candle - just something that shows you care.

If the parents lay out a pre-planned bedroom arrangement, please, do not fuss about it. Even if you and your boyfriend have been cohabitating for years, don't complain about the living arrangement. As soon as the weekend is over, your life can go back to normal. After all, you're staying there for free.

Once mingling with the family, remember that showing your best behavior is worth more in the long run. Simple courtesies, like saying "please" and "thank you" go a long way towards winning over the hearts of the parents, who may be reluctant to share you with your new love - their daughter. In addition to displaying your best manners, offer to help out. Most of the time, they won't take you up on your offer, but it's always good to ask. Don't forget to pick up after yourself, bring dishes to the kitchen sink, and leave the bathroom presentable. Always ask permission to use appliances such as washers or coffee makers.

Don't leave your manners at the door during Thanksgiving dinner. In most casual family settings, you won't need to know which fork is which, but it is very nice for you to use your napkin. Be respectful of family traditions, such as prayers. In many families, religion plays a key role in holiday activities, and Thanksgiving is not the time to note any differences in your own beliefs. Don't load up your plate food all at once, unless specifically asked. It may be that your hosts don't have enough for first servings, much less seconds. While it's not necessary to gush about the spread (especially if you don't care for the food), it is very necessary to express your thanks to your hosts.

As for the subject of interpersonal relationships, Thanksgiving and other holidays are also times when many close and extended family members are visiting and you may witness the phenomena of an occasional inside joke or embarrassing personal stories regarding your loved one. Instead of reacting with jealousy or alarm, keep your head. Remember, the best play is to smile politely and act stupid and charming. Once home you can always ask your love about the meaning behind the joke or discuss the old boyfriend.

Finally, when the weekend is over, before saying your goodbyes, ask if your hosts want their bedding stripped. If not, attempt to reconstruct the bedroom into its original condition. Make sure you thank your hosts for sharing their daughter and their Thanksgiving with you. Within a few days of arriving back at your home, compose a short thank you note (yes, written, not computer generated) and mail it.

And just remember, the family is human. They are probably just as nervous as you are. Taking that fact into consideration will go a long way toward a trouble-free Thanksgiving weekend.