Tips for Christian Parents of Wiccan-Curious Teens

I hesitated to read Raising Christian Teens in a Pagan Focused World, but what eventually convinced me is that belief in not judging the many by the one. The fact that so much Christian literature presents a harsh, biased and wholly inaccurate view of Pagans does not mean that this author would do the same. Perhaps, almost certainly, it is naïve of me to believe that one day someone within the Christian faith would actually make mention of Pagan religions without spreading misinformation. Once again, that hope was not realized.

Can it be done? Is it possible to write a guide for Christian parents of teens who express interest in Wicca while being fair to both religions? Yes, it can, and there is no reason why it should not be done. I am, some would say, quite unqualified to write this article, being neither a Christian, nor a parent. I was, however, not un-recently a teen, and am still a Wiccan (by the way, not all Pagans are Wiccan, but that is an article in itself). As I noticed a bit of misinformation, I felt that I might attempt to address the situation. How, after all, can you show respect to your teen and have a chance at reaching them persuading them if you are ill-informed?

Approaching your child with inaccurate information can actually backfire on you. You run the risk of showing yourself as ignorant of the situation and disparaging of something without even knowing what it is. I will not presume to speak for all teens, but I do caution parents to consider the attitude that they are trying to combat. If your teen is caught up in the usual teen fantasy of their parents not being "with it", not understanding them, and not actually knowing more than they do, then approaching them with less, or less accurate, information than they already have can ensure that they do not listen to you. Tread carefully, because regardless of viewpoints and differences, it helps no one to have children pushed away from their parents.

Prepare Yourself

In her next to last paragraph, Ms. Hunt recommends learning about Wicca alongside your teen, which is an excellent idea. Giving your teen a chance to see you as open-minded, and as someone who takes them seriously and respects their interests, will make it easier for you to reach them. It can also strengthen your bond with your teen and make it easier for them to come to you in the future. This small step can have a lasting, positive impact on your relationship with your teen.

Beyond the benefits of getting your child to respect your position and really listen to what you are saying, there is the old adage "better the evil you know" (and no, I am not suggesting that Wicca, Wiccans, Pagans or Christians are actually evil). As you have probably already discovered in other aspects of your life, it is easier to work with what you understand. Learning about Wicca will put you in a position of understanding, and, as they say, "knowledge is power".

Imagine your teen's surprise when you are able to point out Wiccan values that resemble your own, Christian values, the ones with which your teen has been raised. Consider how your credibility to your teen increases when your arguments are based in facts that you have learned, rather than propaganda that is not always accurate. As with any other subject, the more thorough your knowledge of the topic, the better enabled you are to present a clear-cut argument for your point. The more you know about Wicca, the more direct examples you will have of where you do not agree with it, and where your teen may not agree, either.

Present Your Position

Also, in her fifth paragraph, Ms. Hunt advises "a series of honest heart to hear talks" to help direct your teen back to Christianity. This, in my opinion, goes hand in hand with learning about Wicca. How can you have an honest talk about a topic on which you have little or no accurate information? Again, how seriously do you believe your teen will take you if they know more than you do? Ms. Hunt makes a very good point; talking honestly and openly with your teen is a very good way to ensure their trust and respect. As the parent, though, you must be prepared to lead the discussion, and so you must have the facts to be prepared.

An important part of talking honestly and openly, and of getting much-deserved respect from your teen, is listening as well as talking. Teens generally want to be treated as adults, and are more apt to take their parents seriously when they feel that their parents take them seriously. As an added benefit, listening to what your teen says can strengthen your argument - if you have prepared. Ask your teen with which Wiccan beliefs they identify most strongly - and then point out correlations to Christianity. Find out if there are aspects of Wicca with which they disagree, or which they find confusing. Show them how Christianity lacks the parts with which your teen disagrees, and work with your teen to clarify any confusion. This, again, lends itself to the over-all picture of you caring about their opinions, you respecting their beliefs, and you not being the enemy. Try to avoid the temptation to follow the attitude that, as the parent, your word is law, you are right and infallible, and your teen should believe as you say. This attitude is only fuel for the truly rebellious teen, and can drive them further to believing that they are right.

Accepting the Outcome

Regardless of the strength of your convictions and of your argument, your teen may not immediately give up Wicca or immediately lose interest. How you handle that situation is very important. Your teen may need time to see the validity of your points, or they may never come around to your way of thinking. Your teen may be still rebelling, and may be testing your reaction to see if your open-minded, respectful attitude was real or just for show. It is also possible that your teen is a "free thinker" and needs to come to the conclusion that is best for him or her in their own time.

All of these scenarios are possible and can be quite disappointing. The important thing to remember is that you have not failed or lost; your teen in neither lost to you, nor lost to Christianity. While it may be very difficult, maintaining a respectful, open attitude still matters. Parents, of course, have both a right and a responsibility to demand respect as well.

If you have anticipated the potential outcomes and prepared for them, there will be no need for the conversation to end unpleasantly or confrontationally. What will you ask or require if your teen maintains his or her interest? Will you make any concessions? Plan ways to state your final, unwavering position that will not un-do the progress that you have made toward having a more open, trustful and mutually respectful relationship with your teen. For example, you may tell you teen that, because you are not comfortable with Wicca, he or she may not actively practice it in your home, but that you will not stop them from reading about it. You may prefer to say that if he or she wishes to study Wicca, they will also have to study Christianity. No matter what you end up saying, it is a good idea to continue discussing religion with your teen, so try to say things in a way that will encourage further conversations. You cannot guide them in any direction if they will not listen to you.

Problems

If, as Ms. Hunt and I both suggest, you look into learning a bit about Wicca, you will find these fallacies on your own. For your convenience, though, I am including them here.

Though other Pagan groups may, Wiccans do not worship demons or Satan, nor "claim" them as "their helper spirit" as Ms. Hunt suggests.

Wiccans do not "bow down to no one" as Ms. Hunt claims. Wiccans believe in the All, the Universe, represented by the God and Goddess, or in some cases, only the Goddess. Wiccans respect all living things and see the entire Universe (in some form) as a ruling figure, not "no one".

Ms. Hunt refers to an "I am my own boss" attitude, which most Americans of all religious backgrounds seem to embody these days. It should be noted, however that the Wiccan rede has more to do with being respectful of others and how one affects others than with being one's own boss or being on a "power trip", as she describes it.

Ms. Hunt says that Wiccans may "believe in the delusional duty of improving the world one child at a time" and that "the majority of Wiccans will aid in the Pagan teaching of minors" without the parents' consent. Although I am sure that there are Wiccans who do feel and behave that way - just as there are Christians, and most likely members of every other faith who feel and behave that way - I find it hard to believe that they are the majority, as I have never met any. All of the Wiccans that I know refuse to involve themselves with minors who do not have parental consent for that path of study. In fact, I know a woman who refuses to allow minors to submit articles to her Pagan publication unless they have a parental consent form signed.

America, at present, is not at all a "Pagan focused world". Christians are the religious majority, and it probably would not hurt for them to remember the desire for religious freedom that lead our ancestors to sail across the ocean in search of a new home.