Tips for Communicating with Your Teen

Communicating with your teen can be a very hard thing to do, but of course you know that you must make the effort, because all relationships need communication. So how do you start a conversation when you are probably their least favorite person to talk to? I have a few solutions that have helped when dealing with our teenagers.

Try to develop or at least be able to pretend that you have an interest in their hobbies. If your teen plays online gaming platforms, watch them play for a bit and ask some questions. You can find out which of their friends they are playing with and see their skills in action. You don't need to spend hours hovering over them, just a few minutes here and there. If your child likes skateboarding go and watch them skate sometime, you will be amazed at the things they do and this will give you the opportunity to converse about some of the tricks and why they have the names they do. After all, unless you are a parent of a skater or a skater yourself you probably have no clue what a goofy foot or a fakie is. Showing interest in the things that they are involved in opens up basic general conversation, from which you can glean many interesting things about their friends, their goals, and their skills. Not always a tear jerking heartfelt conversation, but at least they are speaking to you.

One on one time is something that a teen will fight tooth and nail to avoid, so instead of scheduling a big sit down family talk, take advantage of that trip to the store with them to have a conversation. This way it doesn't feel like an ambush to them or like you are giving them a speech of forcing them to sit in the family room and talk to you when they would rather be in their room. Keep it light and easy, don't bombard the teen with questions, but open up leading topics that will even engage the teen. Even if you are doing nothing more than debating the music on the radio, you are interacting.

Don't forget that you also were a teenager at one time. When your teen mentions something about his or her friends that may be having sex or using drugs, this is your opportunity to impress upon them the mistakes that their friends may be making and to inquire about their feelings on those subjects. Don't try to forbid them from seeing these kids but show them that they could be a good influence instead of the other way around. Relate items to them about when you were their age and the things that you and your friends had to deal with. If you keep it as a conversation instead of a speech you may be surprised when your teen actually asks your opinion on things. This means that they trust you as much as a teen can trust an adult.

While communication is important as well as having a good relationship, don't allow yourself to become more their friend than their parent. They have to know that they can talk to you about anything and that you will love them unconditionally, but there will still be punishments and consequences for their actions.

Raising a teenager is like walking a razor thin high wire, you never know what the right thing to say is and you may find yourself second-guessing your decisions. Just remember every parent learns as much as the child they are raising, no one is born a parent and it is a learning process in which you will make mistakes. Keeping the lines of communication open is the first step to knowing yourself and your effectiveness as a parent.