Tips for Coping with Pregnancy Loss

A pregnancy loss can be emotionally painful for not only the woman but also everyone else that is of support to her. To help understand what type of impact a pregnancy loss can have on someone and for tips on coping with pregnancy loss, I have interviewed psychotherapist Leslee Murphy, LCSW.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

I am a psychotherapist in Houston, Texas specializing in women's health issues. I work with women and couples struggling with infertility, depression & anxiety, pregnancy loss, post partum mood disorders, adoption, oncology and high-risk pregnancy. I serve as the Mental Health Consultant for Houston IVF, where I facilitate a monthly support group for recurrent pregnancy loss and infertility. I am also serving as a consultant for the Motherhood Center, where I will lead Post Partum support groups in the fall. I have worked as a clinical social worker for 20 years and my expertise in the field of Reproductive Psychology stems from a unique combination of both personal and professional experience.

I'm a member of ASRM, NASW and RESOLVE and have received advanced training in Reproductive Health Psychology, Grief & Bereavement and Post Partum Mood Disorders. My passion for women's health blossomed during my 12 years at The Woman's Hospital, where I served as the Supervisor of Social Services and the founder/chair of the Bereavement Committee before beginning my private practice in 2005. I received my Bachelor's degree in Psychology for the University of Texas at Austin and my Master's degree in Clinical Social Work from Florida State University. I live in Houston with my husband and 8 year old twin girls.

What type of impact can a pregnancy loss have on someone's overall life?

"A pregnancy and the plans of a new baby usually bring about feelings of joy, hope and excitement. When the pregnancy results in a miscarriage or loss, the impact can be devastating, often affecting the entire family. Many women experience sadness and depression, affecting their appetite, sleep patterns and energy levels. Some may feel anger, guilt or blame, often questioning themselves or others trying to make sense of why the loss occurred. Women tend to be more verbal with their emotions, needing to talk about the loss and finding ways to remember their unborn baby.

Men, while also grieving, may react in different ways. They are often concerned about how the loss has affected their wife/partner, often wanting to protect her. Instead of sharing their feelings, they may focus on work or moving forward, wanting to plan the next pregnancy and forget the past. Grandparents, too, are affected, as they are grieving the loss of their unborn grandchild, while simultaneously worrying about the physical and mental health of their child and partner. Siblings are often too young to fully comprehend the loss, but feel the emotional turmoil demonstrated by their family. Older siblings may experience guilt or helplessness, often trying to be strong for their grieving parents.

Friends and co-workers often share similar feelings of grief, but fear saying the wrong thing or anything that may upset their friend. This can create awkwardness or feelings of insensitivity, making it even more difficult for the grieving couple to return to work or engage in social functions."

What are some tips for coping with pregnancy loss?

"Dealing with a miscarriage or pregnancy loss can be difficult, but there are some important coping techniques that can help couples work through their grief.

Give yourself time to grieve and permission to experience your feelings.

Communicate openly with your partner about expectations and communication

Be aware of and acknowledge anniversary dates (due dates, date of loss, Mother's Day, etc).

Respect each other's differences and coping styles.

Communicate with friends/coworkers about your loss and how they can meet your needs.

Honor or find ways to remember your baby (special charm, release balloon, make donation, plant a flower/tree, release a buttlerfly, etc.)."

What type of professional help is available for someone that is having a difficult time coping with a pregnancy loss?

"Couples can benefit from professional assistance to help them cope with their loss. A bereavement team is often available in the hospital for couples who have experienced a later loss. The team of nurses, social workers and clergy may prepare couples for the delivery, by helping them know what to expect, offering couples time to spend with their baby, creating mementos of the baby, and providing grief counseling to help them return home.

Once home, couples may benefit from further counseling as the shock begins to wear off and depression or anxiety emerges. Therapists can help clients work through their grief by encouraging communication of feelings, normalizing emotions and reactions, and exploring decision-making issues, such as who to tell and when to try again. The couple's grief and anxiety may be further exacerbated by other factors, such as recurrent pregnancy loss, history of infertility or a history of depression/anxiety prior to pregnancy, which may require more intense therapy to help couples cope and move forward. Local bereavement groups and internet support can also help to normalize feelings and prevent isolation. It is important for couples to know that they do not have to face the pain and sadness alone- there are abundant resources and professionals to help them deal with their emotions, honor their baby's memory, and / or find strength to begin moving forward. Couples can seek support/counseling resources through their hospital's Social Services Department, their OB-GYN office, RESOLVE.org, marchofdimes.com, or through the following bibliography list."

Grief & Loss Bibliography List:

Surviving Pregnancy Loss by Rochelle Friedman and Bonnie Gradstein

A Secret Sorrow by Ingrid Kohn and Perry-Lynn Moffitt

Unspeakable Losses by Kim Kluger-Bell,

Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage

Stillbirth and Infant Loss by Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D.

Thank you Leslee for doing the interview on tips for coping with pregnancy loss. For more information on Leslee Murphy or her work you can check out her website at lesleemurphy.com.

Recommended Readings:

Tips for Pregnancy Bed Rest

Tips on Handling Morning Sickness in the Work Place

Asthma During Pregnancy