Tips for Creating Trust After Infidelity

Experiencing infidelity from a loved one can be emotionally painful and devastating to the relationship. However with work towards recovery any couple can create trust after infidelity. To help learn what type of impact infidelity can have on a relationship and for tips on creating trust after infidelity, I have interviewed licensed psychologist Dr. Rick Barnett.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

"I have aprivate practice in Stowe, Vermont with up to 40 sessions per week. Some issues I work with are depression, anxiety, addictive disorders, and relationship disorders. About 20% of my practice involves couples therapy where the focus of treatment is on communication and the issue of trust.

What type of impact does infidelity have on a relationship?

"Infidelity is a significant issue among couples seeking counseling, whether it is sexual infidelity, addiction to pornography, or an alcohol/drug problem (wherein the alcohol or drug takes precedence over the marital relationship). Infidelity erodes trust as the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. The result is that one partner may alternately become hypervigilant or despairing over the behavior of the other partner. This breeds a host of unpleasant emotions and experiences in both partners such as guilt, resentment, anger, sadness, control, blame, suspicion, hopelessness and fear. This underlying negative dynamic makes it especially challenging to heal from infidelity."

What are some tips for creating trust after infidelity?

"To create trust after an experience of infidelity, both couples must return to the basics of a healthy relationship dynamic. Patience, compromise, understanding or compassion, and interdependence may need to be included as a daily (if not hourly) mantra in the minds and hearts of both partners. It takes time for both partners to heal from infidelity which usually unfolds in phases much like the stages of grief including Shock, Anger, Sadness, and Hope."

What type of professional help is available for a couple that is having a hard time creating trust after infidelity?

"The best help available for a couple that is having a hard time creating trust after infidelity is through a psychologist and/or marriage and family therapist. It is important to find a psychologist/therapist with whom both partners feel comfortable. This is paramount. Also, the psychologist/therapist must also be skilled at helping the couple return to homeostasis, or a new baseline from which to grow their relationship. In the absence of a therapist, the couple must be willing to do the hard work it takes to heal their relationship, which may include things like workshops, self-help literature, and honest self-examination. Open and honest communication is essential to help restore trust in the relationship if it is meant to heal."

Thank you Rick for doing the interview on creating trust after infidelity. For more information on Rick Barnett or his work you can check out his website at www.bpshealth.com.

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