Tips on How to Curb Excessive Giving as a Woman

Between your family, your career, your home life, your friends and perhaps your spouse and/or children, it can be a daunting thought to even consider carving out a moment for yourself. Women, considered natural nurturers in our culture, often deal with tremendous guilt if they cannot give of themselves at all times. However, doing so may severely deplete energy, reduce happiness and eventually affect your overall ability to efficiently take care of the responsibilities you care about. If you find yourself feeling drained and unappreciated while others in your life are being put ahead of your own well-being, consider the following tips on how to curb excessive giving as a woman.

Tip #1: Keep in mind that if you're not healthy, you aren't helping. If you find yourself stressed out constantly over keeping up with the demands of others, you may be more susceptible to chronic illnesses. Lost work time and lost family time will inevitably result from a lack of regular "you" time.

Tip #2: Recognize that ignoring your own emotions on a regular basis can cause you to forget what you truly want. If you are giving of yourself so much that you are willing to neglect your own emotions, you may forget what goals you had in mind for yourself at one time. Rather than focusing on your dreams and what you can accomplish, your life becomes absorbed in the goals of others. While you can certainly contribute to the success of the ones you love, being an example of success is important, as well.

Tip #3: Recognize your opinions as being valid. Again, women who give excessively to others out of their own energies sometimes begin to suppress their thoughts and opinions on matters in order to keep the peace and keep others happy. Discussions concerning politics, religion, education, and other important issues are sometimes avoided by women who wish to please. As a result, they begin to even doubt their abilities to form valid opinions, which in turn chips away at their self-esteems. Be willing to open your mouth and be heard from time to time, even if that means causing a little trouble.

Tip #4: Create clear boundaries for employers and family members. A common dilemma among women who give too much is being torn between giving everything to an employer or to the home. Working late might please the boss, but coming home late wouldn't please the family. Instead of stressing over making the choice, set boundaries for both. Sometimes one group will have to give way to the other, and vice versa, and you must give yourself the ability to choose on a daily basis who wins each battle without the burden of unnecessary guilt.

Tip #5: Make a list of the characteristics you like most about yourself (or used to), and note which ones are being suppressed in order to please others. Many women who devote their lives to excessive giving of the self become almost robotic in their behavior, suppressing anything that might not coincide with the flow they have developed. Instead of playing a role, consider how your true personality, flaws and all, may in fact contribute to richer, more meaningful relationships.

Tip #6: Consider the source of your guilt. Our society plays a large role in determining how much we feel we must give of ourselves to others as women. You likely grew up being taught to take care of the home, be a doting mate, perform the duties of the perfect soccer mom, and pursue a profession that makes tremendous demands on your time. Blame it on the fact that women were confined to the kitchen for so many generations and have been trying to make up for lost time, and give yourself a break. Society has not yet figured out that balance, not being overworked, is what we have been trying to achieve.

Tip #7: If you are married, consider how giving too much may take away from your relationship. Feeling like a martyr and neglecting to make time to take care of yourself will eat away at your self-esteem, and may also negatively affect how you view your partner. Being a servant in your own home can quickly lead to marriage burnout.

Tip #8: If you have children, consider the adverse affects of giving them too much. Constantly offering a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen is one thing, but being on standby at all times to pick up after your children, take them to impromptu (and impossibly inconvenient) events, and cater to their every "want" may do more harm than good. Teaching children to respect the boundaries and limitations of others realistically, as well as teaching them how to take care of themselves from time to time, are important lessons to give to your offspring.

Tip #9: Be open about your decision to manage your energy more effectively. Rather than canceling your turn in the carpool and telling your mother-in-law that she can visit with herself in the nursing home this week, take a moment to prioritize before making "cuts." Why not explain to your family that you need to re-energize in order to become the best version of yourself as a start? You'll likely find others curbing their demands as a result, taking the burden of cutting out unnecessary activities off of your shoulders.

Tip #10: Be patient. If you've been giving of yourself excessively for quite a while, it will take some time for your family, friends, boss, and co-workers to adjust to your realistic new needs. However, it isn't likely they'll be able to argue that you've been taken advantage of. Regardless, give them a bit of time to learn how to tie their own shoes. They'll figure it out eventually, and when they do you'll all be happier and more productive as a result.