Tips for Dating a Single Mom
First of all, be considerate of her time. Don't wait until Thursday or Friday to make a date for the weekend. That's poor form in any case but especially dating is less spur of the moment.
Consider your own plans for the future. Unless she has specifically said she's looking for something open ended or casual, consider whether you want to be a stepfather (or mother) and have an instant family. Consider whether you even like kids. Not everyone wants to be a parent and being childfree is a valid choice. At the same time consider my next tip -
Be open-minded. You may not have seen yourself involved with a single parent but it can change your perspective greatly. Single moms bring the added benefit of the opportunity to love and be loved by a child, and that's an awesome experience. There's a saying about love being the only thing that grows more the more it's given away. If you don't already have kids, you can't imagine how deep a bond can be.
If you're invited to spend time with her kid(s) too, don't discipline her children without her permission and never more strictly than she does. This includes timeouts, lectures, being sent to bed, taking away car keys, etc. If you disagree with her parenting style (many men consider female parenting styles too permissive) discuss concerns privately, never in front of the children. There are many parenting styles and methods for dealing with difficult situations. Some you may not have heard of, such as attachment parenting, encourages things such as co-sleeping and gentle discipline.
Respect her views on treats and TV. Don't try to sneak those in to buddy up with the kids. Moms know all and that kind of thing undermines her authority and values. If, on the other hand, you think she's being too lenient that's also something you should raise tactfully. There's nothing wrong with suggesting a different TV show as long as it's said casually.
Late night or last minute calls for companionship are a bad move unless she's made it clear that it's ok. Even then, consider that her day is probably a lot longer than yours and has less room for downtime. Sometimes an hour of solitude is a lot more inviting than company! And having to turn down an invitation is stressful for many women. Try as we might, many women still have a hard time saying no because we're taught to be nurturers and pleasers. Always let her know its okay to say "No" and be understanding if that's the case.
Offer to do the dishes once in awhile. You'll be the sexiest man alive. And sincere, impromptu gestures like foot rubs without making it part of foreplay will make you a king.
Don't expect to be out on the town Friday - Sunday. Single moms have baths to give, homework to check, and activities to chauffeur. We also like time to enjoy our kids! Realize that the mother-child relationship is one that will last a lifetime and she can't be so sure of yours. Some busy weekends may be too full to go out at all so learn to appreciate a night in.
If the father is in the picture, try to be on good terms with him. It's natural to feel some jealousy. He share's history and something special with the mom, but remember you're the one building a future. Don't try to "play dad" in his place or one-up him in that area.
Be patient. Most mother's will wait until you're both sure about pursuing a relationship before bringing you home or including you in many family activities. Moving too quickly into a role within the family can be harmful to the children if things don't work out. You don't want to be part of a revolving line of figures moving in and out of a child's life, and if things take a little longer it's worth the wait to minimize that risk.
So those are my tips for dating a single mom. If you're considering dating a single parent then consider this - a woman who's become a mother knows what real, boundless love feels like. She's better capable of giving it too. Taking a chance with one opens up a chance at a great relationship.
Published by Marissa Mason
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26 Comments
Post a CommentLet me beat all of you to it. I see some typos I made. Yes now go ahead and have your say on those. Just goes to show WHY we don't date and thank GOD that you keep walking on by and don't waste precious minutes of our time we could be devoting to our kids.
Wow! Reading all your comments about "what single mothers are" CRACKS me up and makes me throw up in my mouth a little. You people have no idea what maturity and responsibility are. Yes single mothers are always putting their kids first. Children should always come first. Yes we have ex husbands, but most of the time they are not involved in the kids lives. We do work full time, own our OWN homes and all the other things you say. We are also more compassionate, caring, loving, envolved and so many other adjectives that I will not go one. NONE of you deserve to be in the life of a single mother. People wonder why we choose to stay alone. They just need to read this article and your responses and they will see how selfish and unmature most people are. Then everyone will understand why we go it alone and do it better. Thank GOD none of you want a RELATIONSHIP with a single mother because you obviouly don't know what a relationship entails and have no idea what the word love
I am a single parent and have been single for 6 years. I don't see a reason to date - men don't offer me anything other then more work. I chose to have children and although I am lonely at times - I just look at my married friends and take thanks that I don't have a lazy or abusive husband. I also take thanks that I can go out with my girlfriends and have fun when I want to with out having to answer to a guy. I also like that when the children are asleep I can relax rathre then listen to someone go on and on about their menial problems. I also like that I own my house and my schedule. I have had men interested but quit honestly I am not prepared to be treated like a second class woman because I have children - I deserve the same treatment that a non-mother receives. If you can't do that - then don't expect me to treat you any better.
I have noticed that some of the attributes of single parents (hard working, dedication, patient, selfless) these are qualities that
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I am a girl and even I think it would be horrible to date a single mom. Your life will probably be horrible and their brat will always be first. Find a good, not-so-used-up girl and run far away. Single moms are so gross and mean and BORING!
If you date a single mom get used to dealing with your own problems. Don't expect sympathy, affection, or understanding. A single mom has far more going on than you. It does not matter how long of a day you had, She has kids so her life is harder. She worked harder and you need to realize that. Mom's don't care about anything but the kids. You will spend most of the relationship swallowing your emotions and masturbating because she's far to busy to give you affection, love, sex or anything else you might think a girlfriend should give you. Oh and you'll never understand...doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter how wrong she is. You have no kids and hence you are stupid and wrong. DON'T DATE SINGLE PARENTS. They were stupid enough to reproduce and make lame little self absorbed copies of themselves, you shouldn't have to suffer for it. I hate my life because I'm dating a single mom. Trust me...DON'T DO IT!
,your paycheck is safe. Your comments are very helpfull and appreciated. It's good to know what doubts you have about single parent dating. If you aren't serious and see no future in it, cut off all ties. If you really love her/him, give it all you got : ) Take care and thanks again for the insights : )
I stumbled upon this article, it couldn't be more true. I'm a new single mom and I'm not ready to date yet. I have so many conflicts with the father to resolve first. However, I respect that most of you are very reluctant to date a single parent, rightfully so. Single parents are just as reluctant to date non-parents as well. My daughter is my #1 focus and always will be, everything else comes second. You have to be serious, understanding, patient, and willing to be second. Single parents don't want random strangers in and out of their lives or around their children. I am a single parent who has insurance, works full time, pays her own bills with some struggle and honestly the only thing I could ever look for now is a man to share my life with. Not all of us want a man to pay the bills, the father of my daughter never let me forget his meager financial contributions. There's nothing worse than feeling like you owe somebody. Don't worry, there are single parents you can trust
, but you will always have this man's influence in your life - after all these are his children - not yours. He and she probably have their own battles and you're going to be right in the middle of them. Also consider, that your values probably will not match his. This means that you will always be at odds with him.
Further, she probably has personal problems with this man, and again, you're going to be the one listening to it all, supporting her and her problems with him, and you're not going to have much of a say at all.
In short, unless you're just dying to have a pre-made family, and can't make them yourself, you're in for a real shock. Think twice about it, then think about it again. You better be ready if you decide to take this plunge! Better yet, find a woman without kids - they ARE out there!