Tips on Dating for Single Mothers

Being a single mother is hard. Sometimes you feel like there's just no way you will ever have a social life again and those days are almost too frequent for anyones liking. You're overworked, underpaid and overstressed by the sheer fact that being a single parent is very hard. You want out and even your friends and family wonder, "are you ever going to go date another person?" Doing this can be a tad difficult, as any mother knows. However, here are some suggestions for those single mothers ready to re-enter the scene.

Sitters

Sitters are expensive! Last time I had an offer for a babysitter for my child they wanted nine dollars an hour. My jaw absolutely dropped at this. I was only bringing in $7.50 per hour and for six hours this sitter expected more than I earned. I was in disbelief. It was even harder when she said, "I also charge higher for diaper changing, putting to bed and feeding the kid." I remember being thrilled to get ten dollars a night sitting for family members - and this included diapers and the whole nine yards. Sitters are also the main reason many mothers don't go out. They can't afford them and you honestly can't be trustworthy of even the credited sitters anymore. (Sad story, few years ago a child who was in daycare was killed by his caretaker because he was crying too much.) This can leave any mother going, "It's never going to happen." However family can be a huge help. Grandparents adore time with the grandbabies. It helps get the child away from you for a while and vice versa. It does double duty if you think about it. Want to go out on a first date with a man you met at a store? Explain it to your parents. Sure they might be iffy, but most times parents are willing to help out their children. (This also is a big help if you work too - many children are watched by grandparents while mom or dad work)

If you are forced to hire a sitter, remember that you can work out an agreement. Can't afford almost sixty dollars for a sitter for one night out? Barter. Say you'll throw in pizza for the sitter, you'll rent a few movies and pay twenty. In the end it feeds the sitter, amuses the sitter and still pays. Plus it costs a lot less than sixty and seems like a good deal. Some sitters will agree to a lower price if they know you can't afford such a large amount per hour. Call around, too. People post on public boards all the time that they'll watch children in their or your homes. See who these people are and compare prices. You need to check these people out first before hiring the sitter anyways. Be professional about it. They are your employee for that time they watch your child. It's all right to be picky. After all, they're watching your most precious jewels.

People

Your mom or dad may state that it just doesn't feel it's "right" of you to go out with another man. For example, say your last relationship was just a flop all around - he was boring, quiet and moody. You may just have a parent that refuses to see you dating as a good thing. Or, that you are being selfish by wanting to go out without your child. People don't understand the desire for other relationships outside the sacred mother-child one. This can warrant undesired 'advice' and cause bickering if it keeps happening. You need to remind these people that they do go out themselves (And unless they're hermits, everyone goes out) and you need to socialize in a non-work related child-free environment just as much as the next person. Don't let these naysayers get you down. It can be a very stressful time when you finally feel the urge to go out with other men again. You don't need more stress from others atop your own, natural stress of this new situation. Shrug off the naysayers and remember that it is your life and you do what you need to do to feel good about it.

Introducing.. the child

So you've just met this incredible, handsome, too-good-to-be-true man and you would like to start seeing him. He even is interested in seeing you. But.. he doesn't know you have a child. Some men don't like this. They will high tail it out of that situation faster than a roadrunner and leave you standing there still tasting the dust of their retreat. Ditch these losers. Don't assume older men mean they like, or want, children. Don't make it into a big, over dramatized thing .Be honest up front. I have. I state clearly, "If you want me, you want my child. We are a package. She comes first, like it or lump it." Sure you'll deal with a few who say eh to that and disappear. But sometime, you WILL meet one who goes, "oh what is your child like?" This is only the verbal visual, however. You can tell them about your darling or darlings, after all they are a large part of your life. Part of dating is getting to know the person all around. So be right blunt up front about it. Some men even like women with children. It gives them great insight as to what kind of mother they'd be for any 'future' children.

Now, you've gone on a few dates and you feel it's time to meet the children. Again, don't overplay this. It's just a meeting. Make sure your child isn't in the mood from hades or anything beforehand and understand that this man is going to be just as nervous as you. Just introduce them like you would any others, however, might I just suggest not using the terms uncle or anything. Those are creepy and just plain wrong in my eyes. Let your child know you're dating this person. Kids may hate it sometimes, especially the older ones, but you might as well be honest. Sometimes mom and dad just don't work out. No reason to lie.

Observe your child and the interaction between your new boyfriend carefully. Little ones can be excellent judges of character. Honestly. It's like their little minds are in tune with something we lose as we age. If the child is hesitant around the man or plain afraid, take this into consideration. Just watch and see, too, how he is with them. That can be your indication of a good father. If he's overly rough in play with them or short to speak with them, these are things you need to make note of. I think being a single mother and having kids about TO help in the dating process is a bonus. Most women don't see how a man is going to be 'fatherwise' until they have children together. Then it's just too late. This is like second sight. Never rule it out.

If the guy still is interested in you post meeting children, know that he might even be game to go out as a 'family' together sometime. This also eases you up on affording a sitter and gives the children time to get to know this man that is in their mother's life and theirs now. It's all right to move on from previous relationships even if you're hesitant because of the child factor. Just remember that you are just as good as others out there and deserve every bit of happiness too. It may be weird for a while, but when you finally meet someone incredible that loves your children as much as you - then you'll know that it was worth it in the long run. Happy dating, gals.