Tips for a Day at the Beach

I need to preface this by admitting that I am not perfect, in any way. However, in the interest of beach goers all over the world I am diving in...

1. Mom, when bending over, remember to bend at the knees. We don't really need the full view of your backside when you are picking up Junior's shovel, shaking off your blanket (see #4), or picking up that darn broken sea shell. No matter what size you wear, I'm sure you don't want us staring at it either.

2. Pale pink or white bathing suits are transparent when wet. Sometimes yellow too. Please inform all the teenage girls that you know of this phenomenon to spare them the horror.

3. Don't set up your umbrella, chair, easy-up directly in front of me or anybody else. Just stagger it a bit. I am generally watching anywhere from 3 to 6 kids in the water, don't block the view. Unless you are willing to jump in and save them. Or feed them.

4. Never shake your blanket or beach towel. Someone is going to get a face full of sand and get really crabby. Pick it up, low to the ground and softly jiggle it and most of the sand will come off. Then you can reposition said blanket or beach towel and sit on it sand free, until your kid runs by with flip-flops on.

5. Leave the fanny-pack at the hotel. It doesn't go with your Speedo.