Tips for Dealing with Estranged Siblings
It is not that I hate my siblings, I don't despise them. I just have very little to say to them. We have next to nothing in common, and I find myself feeling disintrested when I do give in and speak to either of them. I find we get along better when we don't talk, and that is fine by me. I don't have the time or energy to keep up with the drama of their lives.
My brother probably doesn't care that I keep my physical and emotional distance. My sister, on the other hand, is really quite annoyed by my indifference. When we do talk, she usually exclaims something like "What is wrong with you Chenault? Why are you so cold?" or my favorite "Some day, you will regret your behavior. People have to talk, it is unhealthy to be so reserved." She is right, but it is not like I refuse to talk to everyone. Besides that, I am a private person. I keep some details to myself.
The truth is, I am different from they are. I have no children, I am unmarried, I don't own a home. I am still struggling through college. I have interests and ideas that they can't relate to. Between work, school, and my social life, not to mention my relationship with my parents. I honestly just can't accept anymore drama into my life right now. My siblings are filled with drama, and I find them exhausting and boring. I love them dearly, because I am not involved in their lives, I can maintain the same level of love.
Maybe someday I will have a change of heart about my relationships with them, but I doubt it. In an emergency I wouldn't turn my back on either of them, but otherwise I hope they live their lives happily, and I hope they keep their distance also.
My estrangement from my siblings has been on going for over a decade now. I can't say that it is really the greatest situation, as awkward moments have occurred. My parents suffer more than we do, as they wish we could be close.
If you have an estranged sibling respect their wishes, if they don't want to be in contact with you it is their right. It doesn't hurt to attempt contact once, and go from there. If the estranged sibling is not interested in rebuilding your relationship so be it.
Published by Chen Salis
World traveler, View profile
- Top Ten Tips to Having the Best Holiday of Your Life in Thailand
- Tips on How to Get Better Tips as a Waiter
- eBay Business Plan Tips and Considerations
- Parenting Tips: Dealing with Baby Colic
- How to Make Good Granola
- Tips for Co-Sleeping with Your Toddler
- Tips for Drinking More Water
5 Comments
Post a CommentSince my parents died, I have become estranged from my younger brother. His wife and I have never gotten along. she is a complete vain, megalomaniac that cannot stop talking about herself. She walks all over my brother and is now spending all the money he inheirited. When I try to make him see how awful she is, he is very dismissive. He has become snobby like her and puts me down a lot now too. I am so sad that he is not in my life any longer because his wife completely controls him and doesn't want him assoc. with me. I guess there is nothing I can do at this point. I have tried to reach out to him several times and he ignores me. I only hope that someday he realizes what he lost in exchange for marrying a controlling egomaniac.
It's funny because I am married and have children and a house just as some of my siblings do and I feel the same way. I agree with you sometimes it is best to keep your distance from siblings and that certainly is your right. Partcularly, when they are the types that enjoy drama. I find my life being complicated enough as to want to invite the drama they bring. For example, my younger sister is a drama queen and will create it any way she can. So in order not to be part of the drama and expose my children to it I stay away. It is a pitty because our kids are similar ages. But I feel that as adults we have a right to choose who we let in our lives and how deeply we let them in. So if you feel that you will be more at peace if you keep you distance so be it. You should not force a relationship because of what others think the desire has to come genuinely from you.
You might find that they may not want to help you out in an emergency. And, unfortunately, you won't be able to legitimately tell them they should help you because they 'are family'. If as you say we have the right to keep estranged from family, it follows we have the right to not help them also.
I'm always a little suspicious of the comment that someone has too much or any "drama" in their life. I think everyone has the right to not be involved in anyone's life, so, sure, you're entitled to not be involved in your sibling's lives. But your post kind of seems arrogant and jealous. You state that your life is different from theirs, that you have no kids, no marriage, no house so I wonder if you feel jealous of them because, as you state, they do. That they do have all of that would tend to mean they have what you term "drama" but what is really, a dynamic life. I could be wrong, but it just sounds like you disdain them, after all, you didn't say they anything they had done wrong to you or anyone. It just sounds like you think you're better than them. When you say that you wouldn't turn your back on them in an emergency, given how you talk about them, I wonder if they would feel the same towards you. It can't be lost on them the way you really feel about them, so you might find
I'm sorry you aren't able to have a happy relationship with your siblings.