Tips for Dealing with In-Laws at Holiday Meals

Let's just be honest from the start: Families don't always get along. When the holidays come around though, it may be time to put some of your differences aside to get through the get-togethers. There are some things that you can do to make this an easier and less stressful time for all the parties involved.

Tip #1 For Dealing with In-Laws at Holiday Meals--

How to Leave the Animosity at the Door

There are sometimes small tiffs or arguments that should be let go. When it comes time to go have a holiday meal at your in-laws, or have them over to your house for dinner, then it is the best time to put the small differences aside. If you feel as if you just can't let it go, then don't do it for yourself, do it for your children. Remember however these people make you feel they are still your children's grandparents. Just bite your tongue and try and get through the dinner by focusing on something else.

Tip #2 For Dealing with In-Laws at Holiday Meals--

If Possible Avoid Discussing Hot Topics

Maybe you have an in-law who likes to argue and debate on certain topics. If that is the case try and talk with your spouse about keeping or steering conversation away from those touchy subjects. If you and your spouse have worked out a system for getting around debate topics, by working together then you will have a more enjoyable holiday meal. Unless all of you are one hundred percent agreed on them, avoid the areas of conflict. These can be, but are not limited to, religion, politics, how to raise your kids, or even how you keep your house. Center the dinnertime conversation around happy or relaxed topics like the weather, the kids, school pageants or programs, or the meal itself.

Tip #3 For Dealing with In-Laws at Holiday Meals--

If the Hostility Is Too Much To Deal With, Don't Get Together For Meals

This is a tough subject and one that you might have to face one day when holiday get-togethers come around. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to have a happy, relaxed, family gathering it just doesn't seem to work because of fighting or constant bickering. If this is the case with you and your in-laws, it may be best to just not even get together. Hopefully you will have the support of your spouse if you ever find yourself in this difficult position. If you don't that will just make the holidays a lot harder on you.

However, the one thing that you need to remind yourself of is that you are the person that your spouse chooses to be with, and if his or her parents don't respect you then they don't respect the choices that their children made. It may be better for you both to stay away during the season if it's just going to cause trouble. You can, if it won't prove harmful for them, schedule a holiday meal gathering between the grandchildren and grandparents. As long as there are no boundaries crossed such as back-biting or name-calling of the in-law(s) by either party, your children still need to see their grandparents over the holidays.

Tip #4 For Dealing with In-Laws At Holiday Meals

Respect the Host and Hostess

Again this is another touchy subject. No matter how heated some exchanges can get, there should remain certain boundaries that do not get crossed. The main boundary is the respect that should be shown to the host or hostess in their own house.

Now I'm not saying that you should go to your in-laws and allow them to run you down either verbally or through their actions. Nobody deserves to be treated badly at any time but especially over the holidays. However if you can get through a meal with minimum arguments or hostility, remember to keep your host's or hostess's feelings in mind.

If you are over at their house you can show your appreciation for the meal and the time it took to prepare it if you help when it comes time for the clean-up. You might be surprised at how much ice can be broken by standing next to one another in the kitchen and giving them a helping hand in putting away leftovers, washing and drying the dishes, or just helping to load the dishwasher. By assisting in the clean-up, or even setting the table before the meal, you are showing your host or hostess that their hard work is appreciated. By sharing a common goal, you will be heading in the right direction toward forming a stronger bond between you.